House Writers

House 5x02 Not cancer

2008-09-24T17:08:00.007+02:00

Written by: David Shore, Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by: David Straiton

Interactions.

House and Wilson

House: I need an epiphany.
(... more dialog, House tells him about the PI, Wilson is mad)
Wilson: I have the right to walk away from you. The next time you knock, I'm not answering.
House: Nothing yet, keep talking.
Wilson shuts the door in his face.

House and his team

House: Say it.
Foreman: You were right.
House: God, that was petty of me.

Kutner: Does that PI guy mean we don't have to break into people's homes any more?
House: It's the whole reason you went to medical school. I'm not gonna take that away from you.

House: Did you get the consent?
Taub: No.
House: Tell Foreman to get it. Old people are scared of black people.

House: What did Wilson ever do for me?
Oh, sure. He made me laugh on a rainy day. Made me see the colors I never knew.
(His team is focusing on a case)
On the other hand. Gilbert Godfrie makes me laugh. And how many colors are there really. Once you've got red blue and green...
Kutner: He paid for your lunch, liked monster trucks and was your conscience. Autoimmune disease.

House orders his team around, but when they walk off Foreman remains standing in front of him.
House: Did I forget you?

House and Cuddy

Cuddy: Why are you in my office?
House: To find the anomaly I need to chop off the top of her head. Pretty sure I need your approval for that.
Cuddy: I'm going to trust your first instinct.
House: I'm not usually confused when you say things like that.

Cuddy: So, the next step is what? I say no, and then you do something to make her crash so that I'll think you've proven your theory?
House: I would never do that.
Cuddy: No, you won't.
(House walks into 2 guards that are standing in front of Apple's room – they obviously have been given his description)

House and Lucas

House: What kind of idiot wears argyle socks with construction boots?
Lucas: I'm not an idiot. I'm just not good at disguises.

Lucas: There are two types of people that hire me. No, actually there are three types of people that hire me, but the third type is irrelevant to the point I want to make.
House: Do you have a special rate plan for being a pain in the ass?
Lucas: One type wants to find out that they're right. One type wants to find out that they're wrong.
House: Which type am I?
Lucas: You're the third type. Your type doesn't care if they're right or wrong, because they've hired me to investigate the wrong person. You want me to check out Wilson.
House; How do you know about Wilson?
Lucas: You want to find out if he's pining. You want to find out if there is something about him that will tell you if he's gonna come back. Or something you can use to make him come back.
House: Is there?
Lucas: No...no, there's nothing. Sorry.

House: If she turns her head she will notice we are walking in the wrong direction.
Lucas: No she won't, I'm very non-descript.
House: Well, I'm not!

House: How do you know what they're talking about?
Lucas: I'm in the same grief-counseling group.I recently lost my mother.
House: You get laid more often if you told them you lost a kid.
Lucas: I didn't lose a kid.
House: You're a PI who can't lie?
Lucas: I can lie, I'm just not all that good at it.
House: Lesson one: commit.

House: How many friends do you have?
Lucas: Seventeen.
House: Seriously?
Lucas: No, I knew this conversation was really about you, so I gave you an answer so you could get back to your chain of thought.
House: Well done. I have one. Had one.
Lucas: Friends are important, you're gonna miss...
House: Shut up. Friends allow you to not sit in a room by yourself. You charging me for this?
Lucas: Are we friends?
House: No.
Lucas: Then yes.
House: Want to be my friend?
Lucas: No. You scare me a little

Amount of money House owes Lucas:

2300+900+700+5000 = $4400

House talking to patients

Foreman: I'm sorry. We need to remove your eye.
Apple: My eye?
House: A moment ago you thought you were dying. Blind's actually good news.

Apple: The world is ugly. Do you think the world would be any different if your leg was fine?
House: No.
Apple: Think you would be any different if your leg was fine?
The doctors told me that my life would be so much better once I could see.I would date, I would dance.
But the guys I hated dancing with before, I hated dancing with after. My parents were still dead, I was still alone.
House: You're fun.
Apple: You don't seem all that different.
House: I haven't given up.

House: The world is ugly. People kill. They go hungry. People are asses.
Apple: why are you telling me this?
House: Because the world is not as ugly as you think it is.
(House removes the bandages, and for the first time Apple can see the world as it really is)
House: How do I look?
Apple; You look sad.

Other

Dr. O'Shea: Are you checking me out?
House: You're astute. No.
Dr. O'Shea: How many pills did you just take?
House: Vicodin, opiods, some B12. Need a little kick in the afternoon. You got a problem with that?
(O'Shea shrugs)
House: I think I'm falling in love.

Foreman: We need to remove the eye.
House: It's her only working eye.
Foreman: We could remove the other one, but since it's not killing her, I thought this way was less insane.
House: (to O'Shea) Do you have some ethical problem with what I'm doing that you can express in a unique way which might actually make me think that I'm wrong even though I'll never admit it?
Dr. O'Shea: Yes.
House: You are funny. The problem's not in her eye, it's in her head. You wanna come over and watch Prescription Passion at my place tonight?
Dr. O'Shea: You know I'm not gay, right?
House: Neither am I. If you don't want to have sex, that's cool with me.
Dr. O'Shea: I'm not coming over to your home.
House: I'll grow on you.

Nurse: You ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?
House: Never really bought that. I don't care how often the kid cries he's going to be eaten by a wolf, the mom's going to come running.

Houseisms

Or, in this case, good one-liners by others:

Lucas: Only two things you ignore: things that aren't unimportant and things you wish weren't important. And wishing never works.

Foreman: We could remove the other one, but since it's not killing her, I thought this way was less insane.

Taub: What if it is autoimmune?
House: What if we don't have conversations we've already had?

Memorable moments.

Lucas giving House the information that results in house solving the case (and him talking about Mars)
Apple lies to Frank's wife in an attempt to save her life (and Taub not backing her up).
Frank exploding (decomp and intestinal contents) in Foreman's face. (sadly also slightly memorable for its predictability..)
House messing with the nurse (by frequently pressing the call button).
House bought (or at least: brought) his team Thai food.
House walking outside.
House pays Lucas to switch Apple's meds. (I could have done with only the argyle socks in stead of a verbal confirmation later on!)

House 5x01 - Dying changes everything

2008-09-24T16:43:00.001+02:00

Written by: Eli Attie
Directed by: Deran Sarafian

To be edited (very soon)

House 4x16 Wilson's heart.

2008-05-20T09:19:00.005+02:00

Written by: Peter Blake (IV), David Foster (II), Garrett Lerner, Russel Friend
Directed by: Katie Jacobs

Interactions:

House and Wilson

House: This is not a solution, all you're doing is pressing pause.
Wilson: It gives you more time to find a diagnosis. House, this is Amber!

Wilson and Amber.

Amber: I think it’s time to …
Wilson: Just a little longer.
Amber: We are always going to want just a little longer.
Wilson: I don't think I can do it.
Amber: It's OK.
Wilson: Why is it okay with you? Why aren't you angry?
Amber: That's not the last feeling I want to experience.
They kiss, and Wilson shuts down the bypass machines.

House and Amber

Amber: The obstinate drunk thing is not flattering. Come on, you called for a ride!

Amber: What now?
House: I can stay here with you?
Amber (shakes her head): Get off the bus.
House: I can't.
Amber: Why not.
House: Because it doesn't hurt here. I don't want to be in pain, I want to be miserable and I don't want him to hate me.
Amber: Well, you can't always get what you want.
House walks off the bus.

House and his team.

Kutner suggests that House gets the brain stimulation to jolt his memory, in case he saw another symptom in Amber before the crash.

Kutner: If you really did see another symptom in Amber before the crash, phisostygmine help the last time.
Taub: Why not cyanide? He's a mess, he needs to sleep.
House: I heart attack this morning, can't do any more drugs ‘till lunch.

Taub: I need to know if there's anything medically relevant that you couldn't share publicly?
House: Is this a philanderer’s anonymous intervention?
Taub: You were obviously drinking last night, maybe you took Amber to a bar?
House: I left here on my motorcycle, alone.
Taub: You ended up drunk on the bus, together. Maybe you met Amber in the bar?
House: I was not having an affair with her.
Taub: You can't really say that if you don't remember.
House: I lost four hours, not four months.
Taub: Maybe it was the first time? If you drink together, any chance you did any drugs?

Foreman: That's the safer course?
House: It is if we are wrong.
Foreman: When did we start assuming we’re wrong?

House (to Thirteen) : You're suddenly mute in the differential, a blowup doll would be more useful. And yes, that is the first time that I've ever implied something negative about a blowup doll.
Thirteen: It’s Amber.
House: Normally, I'd be fascinated, but today I don't care. Get over whatever it is, and do your job.

House: Start Amber on interferon, I'm going to tell Wilson.
Foreman: Good idea, then I'll go nap because I was concussed last night and had a heart attack this morning. I'll tell Wilson, you go sleep.

Other.
At Princeton General Hospital.

Doctor: Her heart won't stop racing, no idea what's causing it.
House: Sure it wasn't the bus that landed on her?

Amber’s EEG shows changes.

Wilson: Amber, it's me.
House: Random spikes are common.
Cuddy: Shut up.

Taub (to Wilson): I know you love her, and you're scared she's going to die. But just making her colder and colder isn't a cure. It's not dealing with the reality.

House: Did you see me here with a tall blonde woman?
Bartender: yeah, I think she joined you after Scotch number seven.
House: Did she seem sick?
Bartender: She sneezed, I gave her napkin.

Kutner: I know this is different, but it's not. Everyone dies.
Thirteen: She's not dead.
Kutner: You are reacting this way because she might be, soon.
Thirteen: Yes, I am, why aren't you?
Kutner: I'm an Indian guy named Kutner. Ever wonder what happened to my parents?
Thirteen: I'm sorry, I didn't…
Kutner: I was six years old. I liked helping out at my parents store after school. Guy walks in to rob the place, ends up shooting them both. It wasn't fair. It took years, but I had to accept that's just the way it was.

Thirteen: Maybe it's an allergic reaction to the interferon?
House: Yes, the symptom that I saw on the bus was a rare interferon allergy, it flares up two days before you take it.
Wilson: who are you calling?
House: Dial-a-Wilson.
Wilson: I was on call…

Memorable moments.

All Amber and Wilson scenes.
House slumped in desk chair when he thinks no one is watching, then quickly regaining his posture when Taub walks in.
House not knowing the answer to “any chance you did any drugs”, indicating that it is very possible that he did.
Kutner finding a home movie of Amber and Wilson on their laptop, Thirteen shutting it down.
House and Thirteen in the bathroom stalls, House sliding his foot under the divider, poking Thirteen.
Sorry, wide stance.
Cameron and Wilson in the hospital cafeteria - acoustic version of Teardrop playing.
House: You think I should risk my life to save Amber's? Wilson nods.

Recap.

Previously on House.
Bus crash, memory loss, Amber.

Princeton General Hospital, House and Wilson talk to Amber's doctor.
He doesn't have a clue what's wrong with Amber, but she's got severe kidney damage and her heart is racing. She's on a ventilator. They pretend Wilson is her husband, and move for her to PPTH.

In the back of the ambulance, Wilson is still busy trying to figure out why Amber was on the bus with House, and House tries to get him to switch him to paying attention to Amber's medical situation.

Amber is going into V-fib. House is about to shock her, but Wilson suggests protective hypothermia.
This will give them more time to figure out what's wrong.

Foreman is assigned to be Amber's doctor (Amber Volakis - I think this means that Thirteen indeed is called Remy Hadley! Amber's last name was on the same sheet of paper. House did tell her that wasn't her name, but that was just a House thing.)
She's wearing some kind of wet suit that's attached to cooling stuff, and she's on bypass.
Everybody's watching on.

In the whiteboard room they're trying to find out the differential. House has got a headache.
Kutner suggests that House gets the brain stimulation to jolt his memory, in case he saw another symptom in Amber before the crash. Because of House’s cardiac arrest after the last time he took phisostygmine, they can't do that. Part of the team goes to run an angiogram, Kutner and Thirteen go search Amber Wilson's apartment.

When he thinks the team has gone, House collapses into his chair. Leg and head hurting.
Then Taub walks in - is there any chance that you and Amber were taking drugs?
House doesn't remember, Taub goes to run a tox-screen.

Kutner and Thirteen go search the apartment, Thirteen is obviously uncomfortable.

House in his office, dreaming/hallucinating that Amber is walking in.
She comes on to him - but like in the previous episode she's representing part of House’s brain as he is trying to figure things out. She pours him a glass of sherry.
Amber: Do I feel familiar, or do you feel… electricity?
House wakes up and wants to do the deep brain stimulation. Cuddy says no, and even Wilson doesn't think it's a good plan. House needs to rest.
The team page House. They found diet pills from Amber containing SSRIs and amphetamines.

They need to test her heart to confirm the pills did the damage. House says it's safer to open her up, but right before surgery Chase finds that the white of Amber's eyes is yellow, indicating jaundice. This is not caused by the pills.

They move Amber back to the ICU, and continue the differential in the whiteboard room.
House is still thinking about to sherry in his dream - Kutner says there's a bar called Sharrie’s right off the bus route.
House and Wilson go there while the team cools down Amber even further.
The barkeeper gives House his keys back, and tells them what happened.
House was very drunk; he called Wilson - who was on call so Amber picked him up.
The bartender said it looked like Amber was his girlfriend, House denies it.

Lab tests show minor infiltrates in the lungs, they think it's Hep-B.
They start Amber on interferon.
Foreman orders House to get some sleep - he has another dream.
Amber tells him that hepatitis B is a lame diagnosis, she shows him her back.
House wakes up, and finds there is a rash of Amber's lower back.

Foreman suggests Rocky Mountain Spotter fever ( not Rocky Mountain Spider fever as some genius wrote on YouTube ;) ). House wants to put Amber on doxycycline, Wilson demands tests. House gives in despite Foreman’s protests.

House finds Thirteen crying in the bathroom. He knows she's upset because Amber might die - too many similarities between her and Amber. He tells her she's not dealing with the Huntington's by not taking the test. He tells her to deal or pack her stuff. She shoots back that she's not nearly messing up this case as badly as he is.
Cameron comforts Wilson, House sleeps in his corduroy ottoman chair in his office, Thirteen takes the test.

Forman and Cuddy go behind House’s back, they are heating Amber up so they can restart her heart.
Wilson jumps in when the EEG changes: Well done, we still don’t know what it is, but you’ve now let it spread to her brain!
House finally goes against Wilson, option for steroids to treat autoimmune disease which now is most likely. Only Wilson comes back to talk to him, and gets House to do the deep brain stimulation.

House remembers:
House declines Amber's offer to drive him home, instead he’s walking out without his cane (drunk enough to not feel much, but with a severe limp) to take the bus. She follows him onto the boss, and hands him his cane.
She sneezes. And despite House, in his memory, warning her not to do it, she takes flu pills…
Amantedine poisoning, he kidneys can’t filter it out. And the problem is that it binds to proteins so dialysis won’t work. There’s nothing they can do for her.

And then House seizes, which messed with his skull fracture, causing a bleed. He’s in a coma.

Cuddy persuades Wilson to wake up Amber so they can say goodbye.
Amber very quickly figures out what’s going on.
Everyone else walks past the bed to say goodbye too.
Wilson and Amber talk, and kiss, and Wilson shuts down the bypass machine.

House in a coma – meets with Amber in the bus. He says it should be the other way around, she says he has to go back.
House confesses he’d rather stay in the coma since there’s no pain, no misery, no angry Wilson who will hate him.
Well, Amber replies, you can’t always get what you want.
House walks off the bus, and wakes up from his coma.

Thirteen gets her test results for Huntington's, it's positive.
This means she will definitely get the disease.

Taub hugs his sleeping wife in bed, Kutner is home alone watching TV eating cereal. Foreman is meeting up with Chase and Cameron in a bar.

Cuddy is by House’s bedside holding his hand, but Wilson can't be.
Not yet, and maybe never again.
At home he finds a note from Amber under her pillow (on the bed they bought together).
Sorry I'm not here. Went to pick up House. Heart A.

My review.

Kind of morbid, but:
"Everybody lies" was "Everybody dies" in this episode.

The last episode the Champagne really bugged me, because House is not a Champagne guy.
Quite nice to find out that that really was a hint!
It was somewhere shortly after the “Sherry” that I figured out why Amber and House were in the bar, a few minutes later I got the confirmation. He was drunk, and called Wilson, but Amber was the one who picked him up.
Which left the mystery of them both being on the bus - - she brought him his cane.

So many goodbyes in this episode!!
*wipes tears away*.

Obviously Wilson saying goodbye to Amber.

But also House saying goodbye to a pain free life, again (with the only alternative being the coma..), admitting he didn't want to be miserable, and knowing Wilson would probably hate him.

And Thirteen saying goodbye to a life as well...positive for Huntington’s means you are definitely going to get it.

I read a few people online who were complaining about this being out of character for House, I don't think it is.
Yes, usually he will try to do what he thinks is right no matter what.
But this time Wilson was involved, his one and only friend.
This was the one time he didn't go with what he thought was best, and in the end he really tried everything he could to save Amber.
He actually gave Wilson the chance to say goodbye...but how long will it take for Wilson to realize that...?

Season 5 is going to be great!

House 4x15 House's head

2008-05-14T22:40:00.003+02:00

So, I watched the episode again, this time taking notes, and I think I figured most of it out..
I only hope next weeks episode doesn’t give this one a whole different twist/meaning!!

I really don’t think House and Amber are involved by the way, they just want us to believe that.

Here's a short recap that I hope makes sense to anyone else but me, it’s late and I’m quite tired - my phrasing tends to get a little off then ;).

***

House was drinking in a bar (with famous bartender and funny labels on the bottles) alone at 5 pm -> Liquor, beer and then champagne(significant? Something to celebrate with Amber?)
House drunk. Bartender took his keys so he took the bus.
Amber is in the bar, House says Wilson put her there (true? Or doesn’t House want to admit he was there with Amber, alone?)
Security tapes show House left the hospital at 5.23, bike never made it home. (er.. 5.23 so he can't be drunk at 5pm, rather 6 pm?? Small writer/continuity error, or significant?)

House takes the bus.
Bus crashes.
22 vics, 8 were taken to Princeton General.
20-something Jane Doe, kidney contusion and a laceration on her leg.

House stumbles into the strip club, still drunk.
He lost at least 4 hours. (so it’s after 9 pm).
He saw a symptom and the person will be dead unless he finds him/her.

***Very pretty woman on the bus***

House in the ER – Cameron stitches him up.
Four Vicodin in 40 minutes (for his head).
In the hallucinations House is not limping.

Hallucination 1 in ER:
The bus driver (=House himself!) is telling him he's got bleeding in his brain, he's getting a headache, and he should get a CT scan.
House is telling the pretty woman that she wasn't on the bus (expensive shoes).
She tells him there is another reason she's there (to give House the answer) but before she can Wilson pulls him out of the hallucination.

Chase performing "medical hypnosis" on House - was more to give Chase something to do (which I'm not at all complaining about) than that it really fit Chase's character.

Hallucination 2 in sensory deprivation tank:
Fantasy about Cuddy (still his brain trying to figure it out, but also making good use of the situation). Pole dance (and I'm so taking up yoga.. I'm over 10 years younger than 10 times less in shape).
Bus driver again, pretty woman reminding him that he did not just see the bus driver sitting down, he also saw him when he helped an old lady up the steps (clue for busdriver’s condition..not important).

House quickly gets out of the sensory deprivation tank, bleeding from his ear again, and after puking on Cuddy shows he goes KO.
Cuddy forces him to stay at home, supervised by a nurse and a security guard. (He steals her cell phone). Gets him back into the hospital to solve the busdriver’s case.
Then Cuddy makes sure House sticks to the resting and goes to sleep on his couch.

“Hallucination” 3 while dreaming:
House is dreaming (walks with no limp), walks out to the pretty woman was sleeping in his chair. (Calls her mommy?)
Amber necklace, fly in the ointment -> he is missing some detail.
If this dream going off into some different direction (stroking her face)? (again House’s brain making good use of the situation?)
Ties her up with a red silk piece of fabric (is Ambers scarf!).
“I'm cold. Stay with me” , and blood!
House makes up, wakes up Cuddy, I saved the wrong person.

Hallucination 4, on the bus after taking some Alzheimer’s drug:
Pretty woman on the bus. You know who I am.
-> Then she says she doesn't know the answer, only the clues!
So, she too is House’s brain figuring things out and she is not Amber until up to that point!

House relives the crash, Amber and House reach for each other, loose their grip.
Amber with a piece of the bus to her upper right leg (probably not a coincidence??), saying she is cold. House ties her leg off, stay with me, then he loses consciousness.
House's heart stops, cut in Wilson perform CPR, he's back and tells Wilson about Amber.
Amber is one of the Jane Does.

***Bus driver***

Can't move his leg -> severe abdominal pain.
Bus driver bagel test for TTP, Cuddy brings House back into the hospital.
Dental work - > air bubble -> (Cuddy calling Thirteen Dr. Hadley)-> bus driver OK.

***

Funny quotes:
Brain-how much bigger can it get?
Lesbian, I was rounding up from 50%.
Taxing an already injured brain is like saying to walk it off after a broken ankle.
(Is it true that it's dangerous to hypnotize someone with a brain injury??)

***

Bit strange:
Severely limping man with a head wound near a bus crash with blood on his hand, who doesn't get thoroughly checked out?

House is even more self-destructive then usual. Even while bleeding from his ear he won't rest.
In stead he takes (or tries to get someone to give him) very dangerous memory-boosting drugs.
Cuddy said she was going to admit him, but we never actually saw that happen.

Standard quotes thingie will be added..this one just needed some analyzing!

House 4x14 Living the dream

2008-05-14T22:39:00.001+02:00

Written by Davis Hoselton and David Shore.

Will follow soon.

House 4x13 No more Mr. Nice Guy.

2008-04-29T13:33:00.005+02:00

Writer: David Shore, Dave Hoselton.
Director: Deran Sarafian

Interactions

House and Cuddy

Cuddy: You are overtly contemptuous of hospital hierarchy."
House: And covertly. I suppose you didn't know about that.
Cuddy: "Your attitude towards supervisory personnel is disrespectful, and a disturbingly large proportion of your comments are racist or sexist."
House: That top makes you look like an Afghani prostitute… would be an example of that.

Cuddy: The strike ended. The nurses have been back for two shifts already.
House: You think I'd have noticed. What exactly what do they do around here?

House: (reading his review of Cuddy) "You act like employees should fear and respect you, but your eyes tell us… actually, your eyes tell us nothing because we're looking at your boobs. Which tell us that you're desperate to have someone jump on you and tell you they love you one grunted syllable at a time. What you want, you run away from. What you need, you don't have a clue. What you've accomplished makes you proud. But you're still miserable." Please sign.

House and Taub

Taub: You were wrong.
House: Why do people say that with such pleasure? It's very hurtful, you know.

House and Kutner

Kutner: Statistics are true too. The world is a bell curve, most of us fall within the standard deviation but there are outliers. And if we believe in the existence of extreme jerky-ness, which I suspect that we do… (he looks at House)
then we also have to accept the existence of the opposite extreme.

Kutner: So much for the Bell curve. How can House be an ass without it being an illness but niceness is a biological crime?
Taub: Do you have five bucks?
(Kutner hands him five bucks)
Taub: Niceness just cost you five bucks, being an ass generally turns a profit.

Kutner: … or he gave us someone else's blood.
House: Who?
Kutner: Amber.
House: Get that idiotic smile out of my face, I gotta go on a killing spree.
Is 2 a spree, or do I have to kill you to?

House and Thirteen

House: Taub and Thirty-One…
Thirteen: Thirty-One?
House: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that either way was good for you.

House and Chase

Chase: I assume Wilson was busy?
House: Again.
Chase: With Amber?
House: Again.
Chase: Still it was nice of you to invite me, this is fun.
House: No it wasn't, no it isn't. I invited you because bowling is not one of the two things guys do by themselves.
Chase: What's the second thing?
House: Other hand.

Chase: So what are you going to do to screw up Wilson's relationship, so you don't have to listen to me while you bowl?
House: I wish the best for them and their tragically deformed children.
Chase: Well, if she's good at being bad, you might not be able to destroy her.

House and Foreman

Foreman: You want to punish Cuddy for hiring me?
House: I like Cuddy. I like parts of her.

Foreman: Mocking me saves lives?
House: The hospital will probably build you a statue one day. You know, with a "kick me" sign on the back. You know when you think about it, the more I mock you the more it shows I have respect for you.
Foreman: Or you made up that BS because you like humiliating me.
House: Wouldn't rule that out completely.

House and Amber/Wilson

House: Joined custody.
Amber: Of Wilson?
House: Unless we have another love child.
Amber (to Wilson): Deal with him.
House: He needs a mother figure. I'm not saying you're not entitled to spend time with him, I'm just saying I'm entitled too.
Wilson: I don't know how to deal with House when he's being… reasonable.
Amber: This is reasonable? This is crazy! You're not a child, you can make your own plans.
Wilson: No, crazy is what House would normally do in this situation: swap your lubricant with Superglue.
House: The man knows me.

Amber: Take my deal, or get out of my apartment.
House: Take my deal, or I move in.

House: Your late.
Amber: 15 minutes.
House: 16 minutes, my 16 minutes.
Amber: You're going mini golfing, what does it matter, do have a tee off time?
Wilson: It was my fault; I had to take a shower.
Amber: Which was my fault.
House: I had to take a dump. Anything else I don't need to leave before you leave?
Amber: Have fun on your play dates. You've got mommies numbers, right?
House: Daddy needs a drink.

House: So you didn't have sex.
Amber: I like sex.
House: Then you can have it tonight. The L Word is on.

House talking to patients

Jeff: No, I just don't see much use in complaining.
House: Seriously? It's a very useful tool. Complain - you make people miserable. They do what you want to make the misery go away.
(House stomps his cane on Jeff’s foot)
Jeff: Ouch!
Deb: What the hell?!
Jeff: I’m sure it was an accident.
House: Is he Canadian?
Cameron: He's a low priority.
House: Is that a yes?
Deb: He's just…
House: Happy. I gotta stop this before it spreads.

House: You're either perfect or you're sick. In my experience, "sick" is much more common.

Jeff gets a stroke while singing (badly)
Thirteen: He's having a stroke!
House: Not a moment too soon.

Deb: I'm not worried.
Kutner: Neither am I.
House: Neither am I. That's because I don't care.

Other people talking about House

Forman: Jeff is perfect?
Kutner: He's not perfect, he is trying to be perfect. It's what people do.
(Forman looks at him)
Kutner: What?!
Foreman: That's not what people do
Kutner: People usually suck, but they want to be good, want to be nice.
Foreman: House…?
Kutner: Exception that proves the rule.
Foreman: What sort of argument is that?
Kutner: A bad one?

Taub: Maybe we just put Hitler on Ritalin.
Cameron: Are you comparing House to Hitler?
Chase: Oh god.
Cameron: Just because I don't think he's Hitler doesn't mean I slept with him. I don't sleep with everyone who's better than Hitler.

Other

Taub is trying to leave, when they're all going to tell House that he has syphilis.
Thirteen (snatches his sleeve): We're all going to do this.

House-isms

Cuddy is going to look everywhere but the place she wants me to be.

House: I’m thinking genetic defect.
Kutner: Niceness is a defect?
House: Three cavemen see a stranger running towards them with a spear. One fights, one flees, one smiles and invites him over for fondue. That last guy didn't last long enough to procreate.

Let's take a vote. Who thinks that niceness is not a symptom? (everyone else raises their hand)
And who thinks that their vote counts? (raises his hand)

Jehovah’s Witness: Have you heard the good news?
House: Miley Cyrus is playing a third night at the Spectrum?

House: You want me to intimidate him into not being afraid? I'm not sure if I know how to do that.

House: Let's hope the bubble test is positive, or it's no more Mr. nice guy.

Memorable moments

House playing a short blues on the piano.
Foreman trying to give everybody their performance reviews.
Taub explaining to him why House really gave him the "authority".
Taub ranting about cheating spouses (and really about his own marriage).
House intentionally making Wilson drunk so he can't have sex with Amber (Wilson's exes told him).
Wilson stumbling home.
House fussing over his Whiteboard and markers.
Everybody thinking House has syphilis, and wondering if the penicillin will make him nicer or just a worse doctor.
House walking into Wilson's office to tell him about the prank he's pulling, and almost jumping a feat in the air when he discovers Amber is sitting behind him. Later: House telling Wilson (and Wilson tells Amber).
Kutner beating House to a diagnosis.
House giving Cuddy his performance reviews. Three identical ones for the team, and one for Cuddy herself.

Review

Sadly I wasn’t at all impressed by this episode. I did like the first 10 to 15 minutes which had a bit of the old House feel and humor (nurses strike, Canada, believe in the existence of extreme jerk-ness, snappy remarks), I liked seeing the new team and the old team interact, but it went downhill from there.

I was confused as to why Wilson went to Cuddy to sort things out between House and Amber.
Cuddy did have influence over House - House wanted a ruling, she wanted performance reviews.
But Amber? Why should she listen to Cuddy? And even stranger, why would she accept the punishment at the end, changing bed sheets with House.. was this a scheme to make them bond or something??? (Wilson was watching them at the end.)

And the whole syphilis thing…didn’t make any sense.
And judging by the preview for next week we’ll have more soap opera stuff coming :(

House 4x12 Don't ever change

2008-03-18T17:30:00.007+01:00

Writer: Leonard Dick, Doris Egan
Director: Deran Sarafian

Interactions:

House and Wilson

House: Cross-species mating. If you like Darwin and the Galapagos.
Wilson: Amber and I have a lot in common.
House: She's a cutthroat bitch. You cry over Dark Victory.
Wilson: Bette Davis, another strong assertive woman.
House: You don’t like strong, you don’t like assertive, you like needy. She’s not dying, is she?
Wilson: Go away.
House: I give it two months.
Wilson: $100.

House: (to Wilson about Amber) Any minute now she's going to hit him in the face with your testicles.

House: (to Wilson) Wait a second. This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves… oh my god. You're sleeping with me.

Wilson: (comparing Amber to House) Amber is exactly what I need and you would agree if you weren't mired in self-loathing topped with a thin crust of megalomania.
House: Hey, that's my best friend's girl you're talking about.

House: She's a needy version of me.
Wilson: Hard to imagine such a mythical creature.

House: (to Wilson) I've decided you could do worse then a female proxy for me.

Wilson: Are you being… self-sacrificing?
House: I'll sacrifice a lab rat, I'll sacrifice a fly, I'll sacrifice $200 on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self. Shabbat shalom, Wilson.
Wilson: Shabbat shalom, House.

House and Cuddy

House: I need you to sleep with Wilson.
Cuddy: Good morning.

Cuddy: (to House) If you're dissatisfied with your life, changing it is a symptom of mental health. I get why that concept is strange to you.

Cuddy: You'll never lose your friend, House. You're the long-distance runner of neediness.

House and Taub

Taub: Look, she's nuts, but we can't just give her 10 CCs of atheism and send her home.

House and Kutner

House: I thought Amber scared you guys.
Kutner: She does. But she also has legs that go all the way up to Canada.
House: So do Canadians--doesn't mean I want to date one.

Kutner: Saw Amber drop off Wilson this morning.
House: Yes. The male always drives the female.

House and Thirteen

House: Stand her up.
Thirteen: She doesn't do well on her feet.
House: Neither do I.

House: Are you agreeing with me, or are you making a point?
Thirteen: I'm making a point.
House: That's gonna take longer.

House and Chase

Chase: (to House) You want more time? Joshua got God to make the sun stand still. No reason God can't speed it up. And, by God, I of course mean you.

House and Amber

Amber: Hi, Greg. And I call you Greg because we're now social equals.
House: I call you "cutthroat bitch" because… well, quad erat demonstratum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am.

Amber: Why do you have to believe that I have an ulterior motive?
House: For the same reason I believe that crack whores can have sex. For crack.

Other people talking about House

Jonathan: We’d like a different doctor.
Cuddy: I assure you that Dr. House is our best
Jonathan: We’ll settle for second best, someone who doesn’t think my wife is sick just because she is religious.

House: You will trust my diagnosis, and you'll let me treat her, because in this temple I am Dr. Yahweh.
Jonathan to Cuddy: I want a new doctor.

Other

Foreman: I'm sure you have many reasons to keep yourself a mystery, besides the fact that you're bisexual.
(Thirteen stares)
Foreman: Uh, denial would have worked before the long vacant stare.

Foreman: People who have a problem with boxes are people who don't fit in them.
Thirteen: You've been working for House a long time.
Foreman: No need for name calling.

Roz: She's a bisexual.
Kutner: What?
Roz: I could hear them talking from inside the MRI.
Kutner: Hear who? I heard the word "sex."
Roz: It was interesting.
Kutner: What was interesting?
Taub: Doesn't matter.
Kutner: We're doctors, we never know what's going to matter. She said "sex."

Cuddy: (about Amber) Are you sure she doesn't wanna just take you back to her lair, hang you upside down, and deposit her eggs in you?
Wilson: Excellent disguise, House.

House-isms

The corollary of people lie is that people sin, and people includes Jews.

Hasidic women marry young so they can start pushing out little Hasidlings.

Fine. Check her innards for bad cells, and her home for bad karma. Carbolic acid should be on the shelf, right next to the regret and the self loathing.

Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope. Altered mental status on the other hand is a symptom of porphyria.

People don't change. For instance, I'm going to keep repeating "People don't change."

C'est la vie, and I use the French because you're an ass.

Hey, stop that Jew!

Memorable moments

Wilson hiding his relationship with Amber from House.
House ambushing Amber in her apartment, saying he’ll hire her if she dumps Wilson.
(And she’s wearing Wilson’s McGill sweatshirt).

House 4x11 Frozen

2008-02-04T12:19:00.001+01:00

Writer: Liz Friedman
Director: David Straiton

Interactions:

House and Wilson

Talking about Cate.

House: She's annoying, she refused to take the antibiotics because other people might need them.
Wilson: She said she cares about other people? What a poser. You don't like her because she's a psychiatrist.
House: I'm a complicated man, I loathe her for many reasons.
Wilson: Never before has a profession been so decried by someone who needed it so badly.
House: You talk a lot of smack about tranny hookers.

In the Lightbox Viewing Room.

House: Anything with a strong color could work as a stain. Printer ink, food coloring, coffee.
Wilson: No thanks.

House confronts Wilson about not commenting on him jerking Wilson around.
Wilson: I was being mature.
House: In a lavender shirt. You for some reason, are happy.
Wilson: How dare you.
House: You're wearing that shirt for someone.
Wilson: The health department. They frown on topless oncology.

In the whiteboard room.

House: You used her name.
Wilson: Just trying to move things along, Bob.

In the elevator.

Wilson: "Are you okay?"
House: It's a valid medical question.
Wilson: I have never heard you ask a patient that question. You've never asked me that question and you've seen me fall down a flight of stairs drunk.

In the main clinic hallway.

Wilson: Are you going to follow me into my car?
House: It's got two doors.

In House's office.

Wilson: Is that my wallet?
House: Yeah, you can have it back. I've already been through it.

In the elevator.

Wilson: Why am I here?
House: Because I want to ask you about your girlfriend. I must know who she is, or you'd have told me her name.
Wilson: She doesn't have a name. It's some sort of birth defect.
House: There's only about 12 people we both know. I can't remember five of their names, so we're down to Cuddy, your ex-wives…
Wilson: Your mama.

I the restaurant.

House: If that's what love is, then I don't want to have anything to do with it.
Wilson: It starts with warm feet, but it leads to other things. Your mom and I will explain when you're older.

House: Cutthroat bitch?
Wilson: I call her Amber.

House and Cuddy

In coma guy's room.

Cuddy: New case. Psych department asked for you personally.
House: The patient's a crazy person?
Cuddy: You're a crazy person, patient's a psychiatrist.
House: There's something wrong with Coma Guy's cable.
Cuddy: He seems fine with it.

House and Taub

In the whiteboard room.

Taub: It's possible, she's on birth control. Lots of sex could lead to a UTI which could lead to an infection laced struvae kidney stone.
House: Excessive Antarctic drilling. Bad for the environment and the ladies.

House and Kutner

In the whiteboard room.

Kutner: Some geological equipment breaks ice and rock the same way we break kidney-stones. Uh, Discovery Channel. I like watching them blow stuff up.
House: Who doesn't?

House just told his team to stand up to him.

House: Go pay for my cable.
Kutner: No!
House: I didn't mean on this. Seriously, I need cable.

House: Forget fat, think clots.
Kutner: No!
House: You're standing up to me?
Kutner: Maybe.
House: Just to clarify. You should do that when you're right. Sorry for the confusion.

House and Cameron

Carlson is on the budget committee, and House wants his cable back.

House: Carlson won't listen to me since I hit on his wife.
Cameron: You knew?
House: God no, I thought I was hitting on his daughter.

Cameron: I am not giving you cable. You're gonna have to somehow survive with the broadcast networks alone.
House: I'll be fine on Tuesdays.

House talking to patients

Cate's on a webcam in the whiteboard room as House comes walking in.

Cate: I'm guessing you're Dr. House? I was wondering when you might drop by.
House: Can she see me?
Cate: Oh yeah.
House: Do you think Jagger shows up to the sound check?

Cate: Your kidney stone theory hinges on me having sex, but -
House: Let me guess: you're as pure as the driven snow.
Cate: Only if the snow likes to be on top.

Foreman thinks it could be cancer.

Cate: Obviously you two think I’m in bad shape.
House: Only if you count the tumor.

House is in his living room.

Cate: I can do the physical. There's no reason to watch.
House: I can think of at least three reasons. One of them's medical.

Cate: Huh, lots of books. I'm betting all medical.
House: Only if you count Jenna Jameson's autobiography as a gynecological text.
Cate: Back up, how bad is the insomnia? Let me quantify that, do you drink two or three scotches before you pass out in front of the TV?
House: You are so far off, it's Bourbon.
Cate: No photo's anywhere. Family and friends aren't important?
House: Well, you're sick, there are twenty people down the hall, and you've had exactly one visitor.
Cate: I don't want to panic anyone.
House: You don't like people, you hide on that ice cube so -
Cate: Stop projecting. You're antisocial so you assume I'm antisocial?
House: How about if I just get naked, and you shut up?
Cate: If I thought I could get you naked, I would have lead with that. But you would rather show me your soul than your leg.
House: Great, you've got me all figured out. Are you going to try and fix me now?
Cate: I never said you needed fixing.

House: Now slide your hand to your sternum. Probe for nodes, moving slowly downward.
Cate: Down to what, House?
House: Sorry, can't hear you on account of your heavy breathing.
Cate: I'm supposed to be on oxygen, you tool.

House: The bad news is: You're 0 for 2 in the kidney department.
Cate: Is there good news? You're back at home.
House: Of course. There's cable, and the freedom to work pant free.
Cate: Well, that is good news.

In the hospital hallway.

Cate: So I'm wrong. You sleep like a baby, your life is unfolding as you dreamed.
House: Everyone is miserable. They won't change that, because people don't change.
Cate: You wanna believe that because then you're freed from any responsibility for your misery.
House: Oh shut up, I get enough of this from Wilson.
Cate: And yet you keep hanging out with him. And from what I hear you have spent more time with me than with any other patient.
House: Sorry about that.

Other people talking about House

Foreman: Sorry, I know how you like to avoid avoiding confrontation.

In the lab.

Foreman: He's annoyed by her, doesn't respect her as a doctor, constantly insults her.
Wilson: That's House's version of courtship.
Foreman: Oh God, he's been wooing me for years.

Other

House: You cost Cameron her job.
Taub: Cuddy wasn't supposed to find out.
House: No kidding. There's only one thing you can say to stop me from firing you.
Thirteen: Cameron wasn't fired.
House: Wrong.
Taub: We're sorry.
House: Wrong.
Kutner: I love you.
House:… Wrong.
Thirteen: This is a game? First we have to screw with our co-worker, and now we have to figure out what you want us to say?
This is insane, I'm not playing.
House: Right.

House asks Seth to drill a hole in Cate's skull.

House: You love her. You'd do anything to save her.
Seth: Not this, I can't do this! If she dies because of something that I did..
House: Listen, I am not going to let you hurt her. Now please, this is her only chance.
Seth: OK.
House: Well, that was easy.

House-isms (and Wilson-isms).

House: Oh, great. I can't get cable, but I can get the South Pole on Hi-Def.

House: She's a great psychiatrist. One session, I've got shrinkage.

Cate just forcefully jammed a syringe into her chest after her lung collapsed, and she can breath again.

House: See all the good stuff that happens when you listen to me?

House: The more you interrupt, the longer my grandstanding is going to take.

House: I love a new puppy. That last one was delicious. Very tender.

House: Good thing she's in a coma, or we would have to listen to her gloat.

House: Cold numbs anything. It does a particularly great job on the extremities.

Wilson: Well, here's a shock. Spaghetti sauce doesn't work as a lymph tissue stain.

Wilson: Damn, I thought I lost you when I walked backwards through my own footprints in the snow.

Memorable moments

House trying to get Cameron to get him his cable TV back, by sending his team to mess with her, and by hanging up flyers.
Cate plunging a syringe into her chest (collapsed lung)
Cate checking her lymph nodes (and House putting on some music)
Cate biopsying her lymph node.
Seth drinking/tasting Cate's urine.
Seth drilling a hole in Cate's skull.
Seth setting Cate's toe. (eww)
House showing Cate his apartment.
Wilson running off so that House can't follow him.
Cameron beating House, by resigning from the committee (and smiling about it).
Cuddy trying to beat House (by saying Cameron got fired) but failing.
Two limping men falling for the same woman, and House giving Seth credit for saving Cate's life, so he can have a shot with her (and not House).

Amber !!!

House 4x10 It's a wonderful lie

2008-01-30T09:20:00.002+01:00

Written by: Pamela Davis
Directed by: Matt Shakman

Interactions:

House and Wilson

In the cafetaria.

House: There’s a reason that everybody lies, it works.
It’s what allows society to function. It’s what separates man from beast.
Wilson: I thought that was our thumbs.

Wilson: When you care about someone..
House: .. you lie to them! You pretend that their constant ponderous musing is interesting. You tell them they’re not losing their boyish good looks, or becoming worn out…
Wilson: I stand corrected, and may I say it’s been a real pleasure chatting with you.

Wilson: Have you ever consider channeling your powers to, I don't know, bring peace to the Mid-East?
House: I couldn't do that.
Wilson: But if they ever got it, you'd screw it up.
House: Yeah, that's more where my powers lie.

House: Where are we going?
Wilson: Nowhere. I just know it hurts you.

At the nurses station.

Wilson: What did you get for Christmas?
House: Watch, vintage LP, second edition Conan Doyle, if that wasn’t bad enough my patient’s dying.

Outside the hospital.

Wilson: You tell people the cold hard truth all the time, you get off on it.
House: Because I don't care. She cared.
Wilson: The angels of Christmas have finally given House a present he can appreciate it.
House: Oh don't ruin it, don't pin this on Christ, he's got enough nails in him.
House: Take off that hat.
Wilson: It's Christmas, it's a reindeer.
House: It's a moose. On a Jew.

House and Cuddy

Cuddy: You owe me fifty bucks.
House: Then you owe me half a lapdance.
Cuddy: It’s for the nurses holiday bonus, I know you got the memo.

House and Taub

House: What is an Alpine butterfly, and why is she learning how to do one? …
It's just a climbing knot.
Taub: But what does she use it for? Try bondage.
House: I did once. She just tied me down and whined about how hard it is to be Dean of Medicine.

House: Listing all the possible causes is only impressive if you can do it reverse alphabetically.

House and Kutner

Maggie might have a conversion disorder.

Kutner: I’ll set up a psych consult and start her on anti-depressants.
House: No. Her mind is tricking her body, we need to trick her mind. Or even better.

House and Thirteen

Thirteen: Everyone lies, but there’s an exception to every rule.
House: Actually there isn’t, kinda what makes it a rule.
Thirteen: The patient’s mother died of breast cancer when she was seven, she never even knew her mom was sick. She promised herself she’d never hide anything from her own daughter.
House: Oh, I didn’t know she promised.

Thirteen: You catch her lying?
House: Not yet.
Thirteen: Wouldn't "no" have been a shorter answer?
House: Wouldn't you not talking make this a shorter conversation?

House is trying to login to Maggie’s MacBook.

Thirteen: Have you tried leaving it blank?
(login is OK)
Tough to get into the head of someone who actually trusts people, huh?

Thirteen: Is that from Taub?
House: Yes it is.
Thirteen: (handing House a wrapped gift) Merry Christmas. Who’s gonna tell the patient she’s dying?
House: I will, and nobody leaves here ‘till we find out what killed her.

House talking to patients

Talking to Jane.

House: You don’t know how to lie, you don’t know how to tell when you’re being lied to.
Jane: I know how to lie, I just won’t do it to my mother.
Thirteen: Do you like fussball?

Talking to Maggie.

House: A mother who is going to die doesn’t refuse a donor test because it might hurt, she refuses it when she knows it won’t match. That tends to happen when mother and daughter aren’t mother and daughter. I could do DNA tests if you’d rather keep lying to me.

Other people talking about House

Jane: Your boss is weird.

Other

Thirteen: The point of the game was to scare us, telling us it’s over isn’t scary, therefore he has no reason to say that unless it’s true.
Kutner: Good, then can we do a Secret Santa?
House: I liked you better 15 seconds ago when you were afraid for your job.

Kutner: The gift could be from a patient.
Taub: Who sent it to the wrong doctor?
Thirteen: House obviously gave the present to himself.

Foreman: Did you buy House a present?
Chase: Why would I?
Foreman: To screw with me.
Chase: Then I’m gonna say yes.

Kutner: You guys mad at me?
Thirteen: Nope, you had no choice.
Kutner: Of course I had a choice. You had no choice once I made my choice.
Thirteen: And now I'm choosing not to be mad at you.
Kutner: Why?
Thirteen: 'Cause it'll drive House nuts.
Foreman: You think that'll make your lives better or worse?

House-isms

Patient had a double mastectomy and breast cancer is suspected.

Scan what’s’ left of her chest. Set the machine to scan for irony.

Taking about honesty - mother and daughter never lie to eachother.

It’s child abuse.

The only reason to give multiple answers is because you're searching for what the person wants to hear.

I am going to perform a Christmas miracle.

Memorable moments

House removing all Christmas ornaments.
Wilson makes House pay for his lunch.
Foreman and Taub tricking one of Maggie’s sexual partners into admitting to slipping her Ecstacy.
Clinic patient “prostitute” with “ strep throat”, and House going to see her “donkey show” at the end. Edit - got it confirmed that she really was a prostitute! Makes me like this episode better, very House like!!
House writing his own name on all the Secret Santa slips, and watching how everyone reacts.
Wilson wearing a ridiculous reindeer hat.
House singing a Christmas song.

When House showed his team Maggie's computer there was an e-mail:

Sorry to hear you won't be coming along on the Halloween Day Climb. You're going to miss Matt's famous Ghou (...*not shown*..) Dance. Not to mention the wine and smores. Pam.

The episode was written by Pamela Davis, and directed by Matt Shakman. Pretty neat!

House 4x09 Games

2008-01-30T09:19:00.001+01:00

Written by: Eli Attie
(more to follow)

House 4x08 You don't want to know

2008-01-30T09:18:00.002+01:00

Written by: Sara Hess
(more to follow)

House 4x07 Ugly

2008-01-30T09:18:00.001+01:00

Written by: Sean Whitesell
(more to follow)

House 4x06 Whatever it takes

2008-01-30T09:17:00.000+01:00

Written by: Juan J. Campanella
(more to follow)

House 4x05 Mirror, mirror

2008-01-30T09:16:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Foster
(more to follow)

House 4x04 Guardian angels

2008-01-30T09:16:00.001+01:00

Written by: David Hoselton
(more to follow)

House 4x03 97 Seconds

2008-01-30T09:15:00.000+01:00

Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner
(more to follow)

House 4x02 The right stuff

2008-01-30T09:14:00.000+01:00

Written by: Doris Egan, Leonard Dick
(more to follow)

House 4x01 Alone

2008-01-30T09:13:00.004+01:00

Written by: Deran Serafian
(more to follow)

My review.

Good start of season 4! Funny, although at times trying a little too hard.
The whole kidnapping the guitar was just plain silly (as was the eyes/breast quote), but at least we heard him play it !

House definitely needs a team. He's struggling to get a correct diagnosis, and he's even written the patient's name on top of the whiteboard! He's suddenly caring now?!
So he recruited the janitor, who ever so helpfully suggests "It could be lupus."
(Which would have been funnier if he didn't add he knew someone who had it.) And House recruiting him would have been plausible if he wouldn't have given him a lab coat and send him to get a consent form signed.

But of course he's really still the manipulative ass he's always been; pretending he couldn't reach under the sink in the patient's house, and thus forcing Wilson to do all the work.

Great and very sad twist with Megan - the patient – actually being Liz!

And Cuddy's outsmarting House – excellent! Sending out a memo, telling him to leave her alone. And she pointed out near the end that every member of his former team would have helped him jump to the right diagnosis days earlier.

And I have to admit, I'm missing the team, I'm missing the whole fun process of getting to the right diagnosis. So I'm glad he's got 40 possible candidates that he's going to interview. Although knowing House and seeing him in that classroom, it very likely won't be regular interviews.

Will it be survival of the fittest, survival of the prettiest, or survival of "who resembles my old team members most"? That one girl sure looked and acted like Cameron!

House 3x24 Human error

2008-01-30T09:13:00.001+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow, Thomas L Moran.
(more to follow)

House 3x23 The Jerk

2008-01-30T09:12:00.000+01:00

Written by: Leonard Dick
(more to follow)

House 3x22 Resignation

2008-01-30T09:06:00.000+01:00

Written by: Pamela Davis
(more to follow)

House 3x21 Family

2008-01-30T09:05:00.001+01:00

Written by: Liz Friedman
(more to follow)

My review.

Matty's sneezing, about 2 seconds before he's giving his bonemarrow to his brother.
Not. Good.

THAT is Hector?! That tiny white ratty fluffy ...!
I expected a larger muscular dog, grin!
Very funny, House picking up his cane, then letting go with disgust written all over his face, because his hand is covered in dog slobber. And his not so very subtle remarks to Wilson (How old is Hector anyway?) were very funny too. Very House.

A bit less like House was the "animal cruelty", which crossed a small line for me.
I know, I know, it's TV.
But I see House being mean like that to humans, not animals – at least not when it doesn't serve a purpose (the testing on Steve McQueen made sense).
But the Vicodin non-OD was funny because House was in the same position in an earlier episode. And the poor doggie with his paw between the door did result in a funny scene at the end.
I laughed out loud when House left his door open, and found Hector happily chewing on something, but with the stereo gone. Good that, at the end, they had their moment of "saying" goodbye.

House was counting down on the whiteboard, not only for the patient,but also for Foreman.
House falling down scared me to bits, very unexpected!
But the shock immediately turned into laughter at Wilson's "It wasn't me this time!"
Also because that episode was on TV here last week, and so I saw that scene very recently. Great comparison.
Followed by House summing up the damage Hector had done (besides the cane) and how much that was Wilson's fault.
I also laughed out loud at Chase offering House a helping hand, and House giving him his most evil stare/glare, completely ignoring him and asking about the patient. Poor House did empty half a Vicodin bottle after the fall, in the rest of the episode..

And it didn't exactly improve his mood either, fighting with Wilson, and bullying Nick and Matty's parents.
If they would have let House decide it all, by not letter Foreman run tests, Nick would have died. And that was after House semi-forced him into getting even sicker by functioning as his brother's infection's petri-dish.

At first I was shocked by Matty's parents not telling him he would never play baseball again because he would be on blood thinners for the rest of his life. (Didn't happen because it wasn't an infection but fibrous tissue).
But then I had to agree with Cameron. 10 years is much too young to be forced to choose between your brother's life and your favorite sport.

I really enjoyed the "cane shopping" scene!!
"Too much Marilyn Manson in a retirement home", "penis canes are murder", and eventually walking out of the elevator with Wilson, on the beat of the very fitting rock music, with a nice black slender can with flames at the bottom. Brilliant!!

Chase reminded Cameron that it was Tuesday (hah!)

And Foreman still had trouble dealing with Lupe's death.
He was extremely careful, hardly wanted to make a definitive decision when it came to diagnosis and treatment. Which annoyed House a LOT.
So he gave him 5 days to get his act together again (or so he told Cuddy, and not Foreman...)

Foreman in the end did find what kind of fungal infection Matty had, thus saving the lives of both boys, but that's not enough anymore for Foreman.
He gave House his two weeks' notice.

To be as good a doctor as House, he has to be like House as a human being, and that's something Foreman does not want. (Never mind House telling him he's been like that since he was .
He tortured the poor kid (I still haven't got the foggiest as to why he couldn't get any form of sedation...) and it didn't affect him since he knew it was something he had to do to save his brother's life.
So, can't wait to see what happens!

I'd be sad to see Foreman leave, but it could be a good thing as well (don't get mad, but imo House /Cuddy/Wilson are the irreplaceable ones…not the ducklings..?)
And I don't see how the believably can backtrack from this..

House 3x20 House training

2008-01-30T09:04:00.003+01:00

Written by: Doris Egan
(more to follow)

My Review.
I really liked this episode!!
Like most people (from what I’ve read online), I find that so far Season 3 has been a bit varying in greatness, although the "less good" episodes do get better the more you watch them.

House training, Hector the dog (one of the best lines ever : anagram of "Doctor Greg House").
But Foreman is acting more and more like House as well.

Chase was too for a moment – arguing with Foreman about the possibility of Lupe doing drugs, while he had the test results in his hands all along. But back to Foreman:

He was quickly jumping from one possible diagnosis to one, reasoning, deducting and settling for cancer.
And without consulting Wilson they give her whole body radiation.
House tells him later that for doctors like them the numbers of "unnecessarily" killing patients are higher (but they also safe more).

And one more similarity between Foreman and House.
Foreman punched the wall – he had Cameron tape up his "I think it’s broken" finger.
House smashed his hand with a mortar - he had Wilson tape up his "I think it’s broken" finger.
With the only difference being that for Foreman it’s too much emotional pain to deal with, and for House it was physical pain.

Foreman did go to Wilson for advice on how to best tell someone she’s dying. Wilson’s got a whole step by step manual for it. But it didn’t work for Foreman, the angry patient booted him out.
I thought the 3.5 minute dialogue between Foreman and Lupe about why Foreman is the way he is and how he wanted her to forgive him, and how he was sorry for killing her, was a little (too) long, but maybe all the info we got had to be in the episode.
Foreman wanted forgiveness. Lupe wouldn’t give it to him. House said he couldn’t because there was nothing to forgive. In the end his mother forgives him everything, but the problem there is that she doesn’t really know who he is…

I was a little surprised that Chase almost "forced" Foreman into spending time with his family, after Chase fled to the other side of the world to get away from his own dad.
And it looks like there’s still a possibility for Cameron and Chase to hook up again.
After all "a gentle reminder once a week" isn’t stalking.
(small note – I’m no shipper)

I was sort of waiting for the moment where House told Foreman the death could have been prevented (if he had only let House take the biopt earlier when Lupe was still in the ICU).
I’m "glad" it didn’t go that way, more realistic that when you kill someone’s immune system the infection wins, no matter how much medicine and knowledge you have.

House really can not stand Wilson "dating" Cuddy.
Especially after Bonnie told him Wilson is every woman’s knight in shining armor, and is also really good in bed. So, Cuddy was right that he feels as if someone took a toy out of the sandbox and now he suddenly wants it.
But at the same time it’s not just jealousy, he also wants to solve his puzzle:
He wants to figure out where Wilson keeps going wrong every time.
But the answer he gets from Bonnie (part of it is YOU – you knew he had a wife waiting at home, and didn’t care) might not be the one he expected.
He told Foreman guilt is irrelevant, but after almost making Bonnie cry at the end he does take Hector home!
Wonder if he’ll walk it himself (and if it’s gonna bite him…).

House 3x19 Act your age

2008-01-30T09:04:00.001+01:00

Written by: Sara Hess
(more to follow)

House 3x18 Airborne

2008-01-30T09:03:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Hoselton
(more to follow)

House 3x17 Fetal position

2008-01-30T09:03:00.001+01:00

Written by: Garrett Lerner, Russel Friend
(more to follow)

House 3x16 Top Secret

2008-01-30T09:02:00.000+01:00

Written by: Thomas L. Moran
(more to follow)

House 3x15 Half-wit

2008-01-29T17:03:00.000+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
(more to follow)

House 3x14 Insensitive

2008-01-29T17:02:00.001+01:00

Written by: Matthe V Lewis

House 3x13 Needle in a haystack

2008-01-29T17:01:00.002+01:00

Written by: David foster
(more to follow)

House 3x12 One day, one room

2008-01-29T17:01:00.001+01:00

Written by: David Shore
(more to follow)

House 3x11 Words and deeds

2008-01-29T17:00:00.001+01:00

Written by: Leonard Dick
(more to follow)

House 3x10 Merry little Christmas

2008-01-29T16:59:00.002+01:00

Written by: Liz Friedman
(more to follow)

House 3x09 Finding Judas

2008-01-29T16:59:00.001+01:00

Written by: Sara Hess
(more to follow)

House 3x08 Whac-a-mole

2008-01-29T16:58:00.002+01:00

Written by: Pamela Davis

House 3x07 Son of a coma guy

2008-01-29T16:58:00.001+01:00

Written by Doris Egan
(more to follow)

House 3x06 Que sera sera

2008-01-29T16:56:00.002+01:00

Written by: Thomas L Moran

House 3x05 Fools for love

2008-01-29T16:56:00.001+01:00

Written by: Peter Blake
(more to follow)

House 3x04 Lines in the sand

2008-01-29T16:55:00.000+01:00

Written by: David Hoselton

House 3x03 Informed consent

2008-01-29T16:54:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Foster

House 3x02 Cane and Able

2008-01-29T16:54:00.001+01:00

Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner
(more to follow)

House 3x01 Meaning

2008-01-29T16:53:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Shore, Lawrence Kaplow
(more to follow)

House 2x24 No reason

2008-01-29T16:53:00.001+01:00

Written by: David Shore
(more to follow)

House 2x23 Who's your daddy?

2008-01-29T16:52:00.001+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow, John Mankiewicz
(more to follow)

House 2x22 Forever

2008-01-29T16:50:00.003+01:00

Written by: Liz Friedman
(more to follow)

My review.

Oh well, 1 glove is enough.

Not my favorite episode. Not that much happening.
Especially the scene where Cameron wakes House up was strange.
(She's got keys?? Or House didn't change his hiding place – on top of the door ledge ?)

House and Wilson deciding to dose each other on the exact same day.
(Funny "set up" though, with the stacking of the coffee cups).
But House letting Wilson deal with patients knowing he was high on amphetamines ...
It was very funny to see Wilson like that though, the glove was great!!
Other than that there weren't that many laugh out loud funny bits in this episode.

Foreman quitting, acting mean towards Cameron and Chase. Maybe because it's easier to leave when everyone hates you??
And Cuddy and Cameron trying to get Foreman to see he's not like House. Hmm.
Chase was very analytic (and correct) though - good!

But were last week I went "It's sad if he quits, but I don't mind" now it's "I hope he quits". I really hope they follow through with this, since I can not see how they can believable not go through with it.
(Although someone informed me he's still credited for next season, oh well, wonder how this will go then!)
Nutritionists do not go to medical school (here), how can he replace Foreman with Honey ? Or was he really hitting on her??

Addie. Tried to kill herself with kitchen cleaner.. how again did that cause her skull to explode?(by the way : EWWWWW!)
And why do antibiotic/steroids help?
I didn't really get this medical case, which is a first in 3 House seasons, so it was bound to happen.
Infection, not infection, infection and/or protein H deficiency...?

House 2x21 Euphoria (II)

2008-01-29T16:50:00.001+01:00

Written by: Russel Friend, Garrett Lerner, David Shore
(more to follow)

House 2x20 Euphoria (I)

2008-01-29T16:49:00.000+01:00

Written by: Matthew V Lewis

House 2x19 House vs. God

2008-01-29T16:47:00.001+01:00

Written by: Doris Egan
(more to follow)

House 2x18 Sleeping dogs lie

2008-01-29T16:46:00.002+01:00

Written by: Sara Hess
(more to follow)

House 2x17 All in

2008-01-29T16:46:00.001+01:00

Written by: David Foster
(more to follow)

House 2x16 Safe

2008-01-29T16:45:00.002+01:00

Written by Peter Blake
(more to follow)

House 2x15 Clueless

2008-01-29T16:45:00.001+01:00

Written by: Thomas L Moran
(more to follow)

House 2x14 Sex kills

2008-01-29T16:44:00.000+01:00

Written by: Matt Witten
(more to follow)

House 2x13 Skin deep

2008-01-29T16:43:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Shore, Garrett Lerner, Russel Friend
(more to follow)

House 2x12 Distractions

2008-01-29T16:43:00.001+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
(more to follow)

House 2x11 Need to know

2008-01-29T16:42:00.000+01:00

Written by: Pamela Davis
(more to follow)

House 2x10 Failure to comminucate

2008-01-29T16:41:00.002+01:00

Written by: Doris Eagan
(more to follow)

House 2x09 Deception

2008-01-29T16:41:00.001+01:00

Written by: Michael R. Perry

House 2x08 The mistake

2008-01-29T16:40:00.000+01:00

Written by: Peter Blake

House 2x07 Hunting

2008-01-29T16:39:00.002+01:00

Written by: Liz Friedman

House 2x06 Spin

2008-01-29T16:39:00.001+01:00

Written by: Sara Hess

House 2x05 Daddy's boy

2008-01-29T16:38:00.000+01:00

Written by: Thomas L Moran.

House 2x04 TB or not TB

2008-01-29T16:37:00.004+01:00

Written by: David Foster

House 2x03 Humpty Dumpty

2008-01-29T16:37:00.003+01:00

Written by: Matt Witten

House 2x02 Autopsy

2008-01-29T16:37:00.001+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow

House 2x01 Acceptance

2008-01-29T16:36:00.003+01:00

Written by: Russel Friend

House 1x22 Honeymoon

2008-01-29T16:35:00.002+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow, John Mankiewicz

House 1x21 Three stories

2008-01-29T16:35:00.001+01:00

Written by: David Shore

House 1x20 Love hurts

2008-01-29T16:34:00.002+01:00

Written by: Sara B. Cooper

House 1x19 Kids

2008-01-29T16:34:00.001+01:00

Written by Lawrence Kaplow

House 1x18 Babies & Bathwater

2008-01-29T16:33:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Shore

House 1x17 Role model

2008-01-29T16:33:00.001+01:00

Written by: Matt Witten

House 1x16 Heavy

2008-01-29T16:32:00.000+01:00

Written by: Thomas L Moran

House 1x15 Mob Rules

2008-01-29T16:31:00.002+01:00

Written by: David Foster, John Mankiewicz

House 1x14 Control

2008-01-29T16:31:00.001+01:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow

House 1x13 Cursed

2008-01-29T16:30:00.002+01:00

Written by: Matt Witten, Peter Blake IV

Interactions

House and Wilson

House and Wilson walking through the main clinic hallway.

Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you're gonna listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?
House: I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed, so I'm wide open.
Wilson: I was wrong – this is the musing-out-loud part. Do I actually need to be here?

House and Wilson walking through the main clinic hallway.

Wilson: On the other hand, there is the 'do unto others' thingy?
House: Then I should definitely tell him. I'd want to know.
Wilson: You want to know everything. There's also the ‘keeping your promises' thingy.
House: Oh, you never run out of thingies...like that blonde thingy you were chatting up.
Wilson: She's the hospital accountant! We were going over billing procedures!
House: Double-entry bookkeeping?!

Wilson: Even I don't like you.
House: You know, words can hurt

House barges into an exam room.

House: Need a consult.
Wilson: With a patient!
House: Urgent doctor stuff.
Twenty-six-year-old male, sudden loss of the ability to speak -
Wilson: Just because you got out of clinic duty doesn't mean everybody did.
House : - to his father.
Wilson: Chase?

House and Foreman

Foreman: if we don't stop the nerve deterioration quickly he'll be paralyzed for life.
House: Well at this rate luckily that should only last about a week.

House and Cuddy.

Cuddy: Twelve-year-old male. Spiking fever, congested chest, coughing up green sputum, pain in breathing.
House: Baffling, though I vaguely recall a disease called “ meunomia”? “ Pneumania”?
Cuddy: And he's got a lesion.
House: Ah! You need a dermatologist. If it's dry, keep it wet. If it's wet, keep it dry. If it's not supposed to be there, cut it off. I never could master all that.

House and Chase.

Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly don't have a personal life.

House talking to patients.

Gabe: Who are you?
House: The little ones call me "Uncle Greg".

Older Patient: Hey, my fingers are numb!
House: Your watch is on too tight.

House locks his door in front of Jeffrey (who walks around and into the whiteboard room)

Jeffrey: Are you being funny?
House: Apparently not.

House: Are you saying that for the chance of a beautiful family moment, or is there some medicine involved?
Rowan Chase: It fits better.
House: Too bad. I was hoping for the other reason. I was going to go get my camera.

House: You're Chase's dad. Hard to miss- you know, the big hug and how happy he was to see you.

House: You mentioned two obscure diseases from China, how did you know about them?
Jeffrey: I read about them on the Internet.
House: What did you search for - “ Diseases from Asia that don't match my son's symptoms”?

Other

Chase: I was 15 years old when you walked out. Now you’re walking back in?
Rowan: I left your mother. I didn’t leave you.
Chase: (near tears) Mum was living on gin and tonics, how was I supposed to take care of her?
Rowan: She wasn’t your responsibility.
Chase: I know! She was yours.

Cameron: You know, parents are never as bad as their kids think.
Chase: You like him so much, ask him out.

Jeffrey: You're treating him for both diseases?
Foreman: We're covering all bases.
Jeffrey: What now – throw everything at the wall and see what sticks?
Chase: Works for spaghetti.

House-isms

House is talking to a Vicodin pill after searching both the whiteboard room and his office for the place he hid it in.)

House: There you are. Were you scared? It's okay, you're home now. (swallows it)

House: A secret club? What's the secret – they're all morons?

House: You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're gonna lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.

House: First, find the company that made th insulation and second, tell me what I'm seeing that makes me want to short their stock.
... Anthrax. Did this house belong to old man Hussein?

House: Clue number one: If I were Jesus, curing this kid would be as easy as turning water into wine.

Memorable moments

Chase climbing out of a window, down a tree, falling into the bushes, to escape from the cops.

House watching Chase interact with his father.
House cleverly finding out why Chase's father is in town ( lung cancer stage IV) and his dad making House promise he won't tell Chase.
Chase telling House that he does love his father, but that it hurts a lot less to just not care.
His dad shaking his hand at goodbye, Chase hugging him back.

House 1x12 Sports Medicine

2008-01-29T16:29:00.000+01:00

Written by: John Mankiewicz, David Shore.
Directed by: Keith Gordon.

Interactions 

House and Wilson

(Wilson says he can’t go to the Monster Truck Rally with House).

House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh.
House: What? Are you saying I've only got one friend.
Dr. Wilson: Who?
House: Kevin. In Bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well first of all, his name is Carl.
House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.

In House's office.

House: Then again, why should I trust anyone who’s lying about what they’re doing on Friday night. The question is, what are you really doing on Friday night. Or more to the point – what could possibly be better than monster trucks? Or are we breaking up?
Wilson: Stacey’s coming into town this weekend, we’re having dinner.
House: Wait a minute, is that Stacey the srtipper? I heard she’s playing in Atlantic City.
Wilson: No, Stacey the constitutional lawyer.
House: You thought I couldn’t handle this news.

House and Cuddy

In the clinic.

House: 5 p.m., Dr. House checks out.
Cuddy: It’s 4:45.
House: I was rounding up.

In front of Cuddy's office.

House: Why should they care that he’s going treated for Addison’s?
Cuddy: You’re not treating him for Addison’s.
House: My report says I am.
Cuddy: You’re lying on the report?
House: Well, everybody does stupid things. It shouldn’t cost them everything they want in life.
Cuddy: No, it shouldn’t, but it usually does.
On the other hand, if it means someone can actually beat the Yankees…

House and Foreman

In the whiteboard room.

Foreman: Sorry I‘m late, car broke down on the interstate.
House: Don’t believe you. Your car breaks down, you’re an hour late, not two minutes.

(about Foreman's girlfriend)

House: The groupies sleep with the roadies to get to Mick.
Dr. Foreman: And you're...Mick?
House: That was the metaphor I was making, yes.

House and Cameron.

In the whiteboardroom.

House: You're religious.
Cameron: You have to be religious to believe the fetus is alive?
House: There seems to be a correlation.
House: Do you like monster trucks?
Cameron: I don't know what they are...
House: Right. I got two tickets. Friday Night.
Cameron: You asking me to go with you?
House: Sure. Sounds good.
Cameron: Like a…date?
House: Exactly. Except for the “date” part.

At the monster truck rally.

Cameron: Have you ever been married?
House: Well, now, let’s not ruin a lovely night out by getting personal.

House talking to patients.

Patient #2: I can't get my contact lenses out.
House: Out of what - they're not in your eyes.
Patient #2: They're red.
House: That's because you're trying to remove your corneas.

House: See? Steroid use shrinks the testicles.
Hank: I am clean, man - no steroids, no nothing.
House: Your lips say no, your prunes say yes. Hypogonadism, isn’t that a great word?

In House's office.

Lola: He’s not on the list? Then I’m gonna give him one of mine.
You're not gonna tell me it's a bad idea? Why give a kidney to someone who might not be able to use it?
House: Not my area. That is, however, my chair.

Lola: You live alone?
House: You writing a book?
Lola: I made it a question just 'cause it's more polite.
Lola: You have a big 'keep out' sign stapled on your forehead.
House: That explains it. I told them to put it on my door.
Lola: Even if real human contact isn’t something you want or even need, you should at least be able to see it in other people.

At the baseball stadium.

Fitch: How’d you get in here?
House: Spoke Spanish. Told them I was the new shortstop from the Dominican.
Fitch: How’s Hank doing’ ?
House: Lousy. Around your fingernails, that swelling, it’s called clubbing. Hippocrates noticed that a lot of his friends who also had that tended to frequently grab their chests and die.

Other

Bryan Singer (after taking some tips from Lola): Everybody wants to direct.

House: People know how many pills they’ve got left. Date of the prescription, a regular person can do the math. But a junkie doesn’t have to, because how many pills he’s got left, that’s all he’s thinking about.

People talking about House.

Chase: Hey, I like the guy. He says what he wants, does what he wants.
Foreman: He won’t talk to anyone unless he can jerk them around.

House-isms

All life is equally sacred. And I promise you, the next knitting injury that comes in here, we're on it like stink on cheese.

Call me when he's stable—or dead.

True love. That's just how we match organs these days. There's a couple in France--high school sweethearts. They're trading brains.

Never visit a patient.

Memorable moments

House very quickly diagnosing patients in the waiting area so he can go home 15 minutes earlier, and the last guy pretends he can’t see. (which make Cuddy laugh.)

Wilson pretending he can’t make it to the Monster Truck rally because of the oncology seminar – he was scheduled to give a lecture, but he cancelled. In stead he’s meeting with Stacey.

House with urine on his pants, with a by crying Lola on his shoulder who doesn’t seem to care (turns out she lost her sense of smell).

House and Cameron at the monster truck rally, eating cotton candy.

House 1x11 Detox

2007-12-23T21:45:00.001+01:00

Writer: Lawrence Kaplow, Thomas L. Moran
Director: Nelson McCormick

Interactions.

House and Wilson

Looking at a beautiful woman stretching in House’s office.

House: Is it my birthday?
(in his office)
House: I’m not lonely, my leg hurts.
Wilson: She’s a real mass
House: She’s $500 an hour minimum.
Wilson: She’s hot, so she’s a hooker? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
House: The envious, jealous, I-never-got-any-in high-school kind of logic. Hello!
Wilson: She’s a legitimate masseuse. Come on…
God! She’s beautiful.
House: Because she’s beautiful, I should do it? What kind of pathetic logic is that?
Wilson: The envious, jealous, I’m-married-and-I-can’t-do-anything logic. Hello.

Wilson looks at the X-ray of House’s hand.

Wilson: I think it’s broken. What did you do?
House: I accidentally closed the car door on it.
Wilson: No, door would have broken the skin. This look like something hard and smooth smashed it.
House: I want my lawyer.
Wilson: The brain has a gating mechanism for pain. Registers the most severe injury and blocks out the others. Did it work?
House: Well, my hand hurts like hell. … Yeah, I feel much better.

Walking through the hallway into House's office.

House: Cuddy’s a sucker, I would have done it for two weeks off.
Wilson: Yeah, piece of cake. Did you learn anything?
House: Yeah. I’m an addict.
Wilson: Uh – OK.
House: I’m not stopping.
Wilson: There are programs. Cuddy would give you the time. You could get on a different pain management regimen.
House: I don’t need to stop.
Wilson: You just said…
House: I said I was an addict. I didn’t say I had a problem.

Wilson: You alienate people.
House: I’ve been alienating people since I was three.

House: Of course I’ve changed!
Wilson: And everything’s the leg? Nothing is the pills? They haven’t done a thing to you?
House: They let me do my job, and they take away my pain.

House and Foreman

In House’s office.

Foreman: I took this job to work with you, not cover your ass. Your Vicodin.
House: And your solution is to give me drugs. That's interesting.
Foreman: No. Now I'm covering my ass. Take your pills before you kill this kid.

House and Cuddy

Cuddy watches House as he takes a Vicodin, after he has gone without for a little over an hour longer than usual.

Cuddy: You know there are other ways to manage pain.
House: Like what? Laughter? Meditation? Got a guy that can fix my third chakra?
Cuddy: You’re addicted.
House: If the pills ran my life, I’d agree with you, but it’s my leg that’s busy calendaring what I can’t do.
Cuddy: You’re in denial.
House: Right. I never had an infarction in my leg. No dead muscle, no nerve damage.
Doesn’t even hurt. Actually, it kinda tickles. And chicks dig this (he raises his cane) better than a puppy.
Cuddy: It’s not just your leg. You wanna get high. You’re doing, what, 80 milligrams a day?
House: No. That’s way too much. Moderation is the key. Unless there’s pain.
Cuddy: It’s double what you were taking when I hired you.
House: (Pressing the call button again) ‘Cause you’re twice as annoying.
Cuddy: I can’t always be here to protect you. Patients talk. Doctors talk.
House: About how big your ass has gotten lately? Not me, I defend it. You got back.
Cuddy: You can’t go a week without the drugs.
House: No, I don’t wanna go a week without the drugs. It’ll hurt.
Cuddy: No, you can’t. If you’re just getting of pain medication, it will hurt.
You won’t be having a great time, but you’ll make it. If you’re detoxing , you’ll have chills, nausea. Your pain will magnify five, ten times. You won’t make it.
House: Well, I guess we’ll never know.
Cuddy: I’ll give you a week off clinic duty if you can go a week without narcotics.
House: No way, I love the clinic.
Cuddy: You love the pills. Two weeks.
House: The pills don’t make me high. They make me neutral.
Cuddy: A month.
House: You’re on mister.

In an exam room.

Cuddy: Why did you tell Cameron to lie to Mr. Foster?(Keith’s dad).
House ignores her while Wilson tapes up his hand.
Cuddy: Answer me.
House: Nothing I can say is gonna change how you feel, and nothing can come out of your reaction that is gonna change what I plan to do, so I prefer to say nothing.
Cuddy: So that was just you saying nothing.
(…)
Take the week off.
House: What, because I lied to a patient?
I take risks. Sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I’ve been cursed with the ability to do the math.

House and Chase

House lets the masseuse out, Chase eyes him.
House: I had a massage.
Chase: Looks like you had a masseuse. Help the pain?
House: I’m fine.
Chase: I know.

House and Cameron

Discussing the patient in front of the pharmacy where House is impatiently waiting on his Vicodin.

Cameron: The crash didn’t cause the bleed.
House: Right, the bleed caused the crash.
Blood got on the road, got all slippery – anyone here got drugs?
( Several people in the waiting area raise their hand.)

Cameron: His son is dying, and you’re mocking him?
House: It was a dumb question.
Cameron: No, it wasn’t.
House: You’re right. It wasn’t.
Cameron: Is proving Cuddy wrong worth all this?

House talking to patients

Keith: Excuse me, someone, help, please!
House: Polite for a dying kid.

Keith is rushed to the ICU.

House: It’s not drugs! His liver is shutting down.
Keith’s dad: What!? What does that mean?
House: It means he’s all better. He’s ready to go home.
Keith’s dad: WHAT?!
House: What do you think it means. You can’t live without a liver. He’s dying.
Keith’s dad: What is your problem.
House: Bum leg. What’s yours?

Other

House is impatiently tapping on the contour of the pharmacy

House: What lie are they telling you?
Marco: okay, pharmaceuticals were delivered this morning, but shipping accidentally sent the box with Vicodin to research.
House : Hmm. That’s a tough one. In if only we had some way to communicate with another part of the building. ( House picks up the phone)
(to Cuddy): Your hospital doesn’t have my pain medication.

In the whiteboardroom discussing the patient.

Chase: Drugs will fit just as much as lupus. Meth will cause hemolytic anemia.
Foreman: He doesn’t exactly seem like the type.
Chase: Because his dad drives a Porsche? Rich kids do drugs just like poor kids.
Foreman: Didn’t mean to offend you.

Cameron: We can’t use Coumadin to dissolve the blood clot, he’s got internal bleeding.
Chase: Either we restore the blood flow, or he loses the eye.
House: Forget the eye. Tell him to use the other one to look on the bright side.

Wilson: A.N.A. was negative, it’s not lupus.
House: This is true. But why are you the one saying it? What are you doing here, I thought we ruled out cancer.
Wilson: I was lonely.
House: Well, go see Cuddy, she needs a friend.
Wilson: That’s funny. She said you might need one.
House: That’s why you’re here. She wants you to keep an eye on me. Make sure I don’t cheat.
Wilson: No, I wanted to make sure you don’t start firing shots from the clock tower.
House: I’m fine.
Cameron: What’s going on?
Wilson: He hasn’t had Vicodin in over a day.
Foreman: Does your leg hurt?
House: You ever been shot?
Foreman: There’s gonna be side effect. Insomnia, depression, tachycardia.
House: Withdrawal symptoms. Not applicable. The only side effects I’m gonna have are some pain and 30 days of freedom.

In Keith’s room.

Chase: Not a fan of the Stroganov?
Keith: I’m not that hungry.
Chase: Well, the antibiotics can cause nausea.
Keith: So can the food.

In the whiteboard room.

Foreman: You know, House shouldn’t even be here.
Chase: Because he said something inappropriate?
If we sent him home every time he did that, we wouldn’t need this office.

Keith’s dad: Could I donate part of my liver?
Chase: Sorry, you’re a different blood type.
(Keith’s dad looks at House who’s limping towards them looking absolutely miserable): So we just wait for someone to die?

Keith’s dad: We’re doing the surgery!
House: You do the surgery you’ll be killing a mother of four.
Cuddy: Father of three.
House: I was guessing.

Houseisms

Do you want to keep talking about me, or should we discuss what the liver failure tells us?
(Silence)
I was born in a log cabin in Illinois...

Cuddy: Two thousand patients die each year because a donor liver can’t be found. That’s almost five a day.

House hawks and spits all over the surgeon’s sterile scrubs
Surgeon: Have you completely lost your mind?!
House: No, but I have been feeling a little sick lately.
House fake sneezes all over the surgical instruments.
Assistant: There’s no way we can do the surgery now.
Surgeon: Ya think?!

Memorable moments

The intro, he's coughing up blood and you think they’re gonna get hit by truck.
But they don’t. And then there is another truck...
The masseuse massages House’s hand, and House is enjoying it tremendously, while Wilson is staring/gawking at the masseuse.
House walking through the hallway, keeping up with Chase, but as soon as he’s gone, House slumps against the wall – not pretending to be OK anymore.
Chase removing some liquid out of the eye with a big needle (hoping it’ll make more room around the artery so the retinal clot will move on its own.)
House deciding to treat for Hepatitis E (to rule it out), and how his team reacts to that plan.
House breaking his own hand to counteract/replace the pain.
House puking.
House has Chase and Foreman dig up a dead cat.
House ‘autopsies’ it (shaky, miserable and all).
Keith’s dad knocking House to the floor/wall with a right hook.
Cuddy and Wilson at the end of the episode, revealing Wilson schemed the “detox” !!

House 1x10 Histories

2007-12-23T18:55:00.001+01:00

Writer: Joel Thompson
Director: Daniel Attias

Interactions

House and Wilson

House and Wilson discussing the patient in front of the elevator.

Wilson: I just want her to get some medical attention.
House (stares at him): That's not even close to being true.
It's something else, something personal. Give me the file.

Wilson: I forgot - I need a reason to give a crap?
House: You're giving two craps.
Wilson: The metric system always confuses me.

In an (empty) exam room, House is going through Foreman's file.

Wilson: You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
House: I don't need to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.
Wilson: yeah, delirious. What's the other file?
House: Wilson, James. Boy Wonder Oncologist. You know him?
Wilson: You know, in some cultures, it's considered almost rude for one friend to spy on another.
Of course, in Swedish, the word " friend" can also be translated as " limping twerp."

House followed Wilson.

Wilson: Didn't we have a conversation about friendship?
House: Yeah. I had some follow-up questions.
I've met your parents, and your brother.
Wilson: I have two brothers.

House and Foreman

In the whiteboardroom.

Foreman: Even if she's not faking it, what's so interesting about this case?
House: At the moment, how much you not want me to take it.

Foreman: Okay. Why are we on this case – just because Wilson asked?
House: Do I need a better reason?
Foreman: Most people wouldn’t, you do.

Victoria's got rabies and bit Foreman. She's not gonna make it.

House to Foreman: And if you don't get your shot in the next, say, three hours, I'm gonna have to make another affirmative action hire.

House and Cuddy.

Discussing Jane Doe's MRI in Cuddy's office .

Cuddy : I can't believe you authorized this.
House: Really? It sounds exactly like something I'd do.

House talking to patients.

In the clinic.

Shelley Diamond: The little ones are licking each other again, and Harry's got a seeping wart on his extra toe.
House sneezes: You know what, I think I may be coming down with something. Hate to give it to you guys. Sorry.
And he shoves the file into Cuddy's hands.
(Later Cuddy has two students follow him, so he can teach them Patient history. Payback!).

Other

Foreman: there's two things homeless people are good at. Getting sick and running scams.

Wilson and Foreman discussing the patient

Wilson: Fake low bloodsugar, now that’s acting!
(later)
Wilson: Why fake the twitch? In case the seizure wasn't subtle enough?

In House's office.

Girl with clipboard: Dr House?
House: Continue.
Girl with clipboard: You're reading a coming book...
House: And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top.
Oh. I'm sorry. I thought we were having a " state the obvious" contest.
I'm competitive by nature.

In the hallway in front of the patients room.

Girl with clipboard: Did you need to be so cruel? I think she's crying.

In Cuddy's office.

Wilson: You don’t walk out of a room with ten milligrams of Haldol in your system, you don’t walk at all.
Foreman: It was ten milligrams, I gave it to her...
Cuddy: It doesn’t matter! Bacterial meningitis, highly contagious, if she is out of the hospital, we are so liable.
Wilson: Not to worry. She’ll be dead before she can kill anybody.

Discussing Victoria Madsen

Cop: Read the report, I found her lying on the grass.
House: You should read my reports, I make up stuff all the time. What really happened?
Cop: Well, since it's you -- I found her lying on the grass.
House: Fine. Don't tell me. Tell my friend, Ben Franklin.

House-isms

So. We're right about the diagnosis, and the treatment for that diagnosis is killing her. Perfect.

Memorable moments

House sniffs at a shirt belonging to Jane Doe, then holds it out to Chase.
House: What do you think? Few days old?
Chase: Are you trying to make me hurl?
House: Yeah, and here's the big finish. (House licks it). Salty. Chemical imbalance.
Foreman and Chase " arranging " a quick MRI for their patient by switching her with someone else. And of course Cuddy finds out and drags House and Foreman into her office.
There House throws all Foreman's arguments right back in his face and makes him find out who their Jane Doe is.
House (and Wilson) pretending House can get a lot of information about Jane Doe from one of her drawings. (When he really knows it because he traced the surgical pin.)
House trying to figure out why Foreman could care less about homeless people, and why Wilson cares too much.
House diagnosing a clinic patient (young woman with sprained wrist) with Korsakov's.

House 1x09 DNR

2007-12-18T21:53:00.001+01:00

Written by David Foster
Directed by Fred Keller

Interactions

House and Wilson.

In court.

Wilson: Well, some doctors have the messiah complex. They need to save the world. You’ve got the Rubik’s complex. You need to solve the puzzle.

In the whiteboardroom.

House: The real question is, why is he still alive?
Wilson: Do you think he’s just being stubborn?

Watching TV in an exam room.

Wilson: So your philosophy is, if they don't want treatment they get it shoved down their throat, but if it might cure their paralysis, whoa better slow down.
House: Yeah, my old philosophy used to be ‘Live and let live’, but I'm taking this needlepoint class and they gave us these really big pillows.
Wilson: What's your philosophy on employee relations?
House: That's a very tiny pillow.

House and Foreman

House talking about Foreman (mad because Cuddy is giving him the case):

Cuddy: He wants someone he can trust.
House: They must have spoken to his parole officer.
Cuddy: It’s Foreman’s case.
House: It’s pneumonia, he can handle it.
Guy’s already paralyzed, how badly can he screw it up?!

In the whiteboardroom.

House: What about the paralysis?
Foreman: We’re sticking to the pneumonia.
House: Well, you certainly are boss, like a wet tongue sticks to dry ice.

Foreman: What's wrong with you?
House: Everyone knows what's wrong with me. The interesting question is, what's wrong with him?

House: Fine, I'll never do it again.
Foreman: Yes you will!
House: All the more reason this discussion is pointless.

House and Cuddy.

In the main clinic hallway.

House: I want in. That paralysis, guy can’t walk for two years. Seems interesting.
Cuddy: Forget (Giles') paralysis.
House: Tell that to the rest of his bowling team.

(on moving Giles to a room right above the clinic).

House: Can we get the lecture over with? Cause I gotta…
Actually, I’ve got nothing to do, take your time.
Cuddy: You need a lawyer?
House: You don’t have a problem with what I did?
Cuddy: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things. But once they’re done… trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is in itself insane. So when I hired you, I also set aside $50.000 a year for legal expenses. So far you’ve come in under budget.

House talking to patients.

In the clinic.

Willie: My pants tell you I'm a diabetic?
House: No, they tell me you're an idiot.

In Giles' room.

House: Do me a favor. Let me find out what’s wrong with you. Then if you still want to kill yourself, I’ll give you a hand.
Giles; Yeah, sure, I’ll stick around to indulge your obsession.
It’s over I lost my air,(…) I can’t play anymore.
House: And that's all you are? Musician?
Giles: I got one thing, same as you.
House: Really? Well apparently you know me better than I know you.
Giles: I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that's a big secret. You don't risk jail and your career to save somebody who doesn't want to be saved unless you got something. Anything. One thing.
The reason normal people got wives and kids, hobbies, whatever, that's because they ain't got that one thing that hits a man hard and that true. I got music, you got this, the thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best.
All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with a drink and a kiss, that ain't gonna happen for us.
House: That's why God made microwaves.
Giles: Yeah. And when it's over, it's over.
House: Yeah.
(House opens the door and starts to move Giles in his bed out of the room)
Giles: What are you doing?
House: It's not over for me. Either you're gonna call the cops again or we’re doing this. If you wanna die you can do it just as easily inside an MRI machine.

In Giles' room

Giles: Doc! You just touched my leg.
House: I know, are you gonna charge me with assault again?
Giles: No. I felt it.

In the main clinic hallway, Giles comes walking out of the elevator using a cane.

House:50 bucks says I can beat you to the curb.

House: You’re much more easily amused when you can walk.
Giles: How bizarre. I’m guessing that you weren’t exactly Mr. Sunshine even before your leg got messed up.
How many of those pills are you taking?
House: I’m in pain.
Giles: Yes. Aren’t we all?

Other

In House's office.

Pretty woman: Dr. House?
House: Cuddy sent me a stripper again? I love that woman - she's so thoughtful.
(House hands the envelope the woman gave him to Cameron. She opens it, and it’s a restraining order.)

In court.

House: My staff are idiots. I’m sure you know what it’s like Your Honor.
Judge: Sit down!

People talking about House

In Giles' room.

Giles: House, yeah, I heard about him. Obsessive son of a bitch?
Foreman: Yeah, that’s him.

In a restaurant.

Marty Hamilton: You enjoy working with Dr. House?
Foreman: Not the word I'd use . . .

In the lab.

Foreman: I want some sort of clue that he knows it’s a big deal. That it scares him, that it matters. (…) I don’t think it would hurt him to learn a little humility.
(House overhears at least the last part, and smiles.)
Later in House's office :
House: Do you mean genuine humility, you know, with all the self-doubt and the self-questioning, or Hamilton’s polite patronizing “ Aw, shucks” humility?

House-isms

Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There’s a 'me' though, if you jumble it up.

D.N.R. means do not resuscitate, not do not treat.
And hang on to that DNR, that signature could be worth a lot of money real soon.

Phone works. Next time you want to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, leave me a message.

Memorable moments

Chase and Cameron standing up to go do the test Foreman ordered.
But House has his feet on the table and is blocking them, so they sit down again.
(Followed by some more standing up/sitting down as Foreman and House give orders and counter eachother.)
House cleverly deducting the clinic patient has diabetes.
House gets a restraining order and has to stay at least 50ft from his patient at all times. So he has him moved closer to the clinic (to avoid clinic duty).
House diagnosing the judge with a heart problem (causing him to completely not pay attention anymore).
Foreman declines a great partnership offer, and stays with House – he thinks House is the better doctor.
House being annoyed by Marty’s use of first names only.

Final Diagnoses

2007-11-23T17:57:00.011+01:00

Final Diagnoses:
For full medical reviews go to Polite Dissent

1x01 Pilot: Tapeworm in brain.
1x02 Paternity: Biological mother not vaccinated, mutated measles virus.
1x03 Occam's Razor: Mixed up pills in the pharmacy (gout medicine/cough medicine)
1x04 Maternity: Virus for which the babies mothers are not vaccinated.
1x05 Damned If You Do: IUD and copper allergy.
1x06 The Socratic Method: Wilson's disease.
1x07 Fidelity: African Sleeping Sickness
1x08 Poison: Organophosphate Poisoning from new jeans
1x09 DNR : AVM compressing the spine (not visible before, due to inflammation)
1x10 Histories : Rabies from bats.
1x11 Detox: Naphthalene poisoning form termite inside the wall of his bedroom.
1x12 Sports Medicine: Cadmium poisoning, through weed.
1x13 Cursed : Leprosy (weakened his immune system and gave the anthrax a chance, and the treatment for the anthrax is throwing the leprosy in overdrive.)

2x10 Failure to communicate: Malaria
2x11 Need to know: Birth control pills while getting fertility treatment
2x12 Distractions: Antidepressants caused seizure
2x13 Skin deep: Male pseudohermaphrodism
2x14 Sex kills: brucellosis and gonorrhea
2x15 Clueless: poisoned by his wife
2x16 Safe : Lyme/tick
2x17 All in: Erdheim-Chester disease
2x18 Sleeping dogs lie: Bubonic plague
2x19 House vs God : Tuburous sclerosis and herpatic encephalitis
2x20 Euphoria Part I (none)
2x21 Euphoria Part II : Naegleria
2x22 Forever: Celiac Disease
2x23 Who's your daddy: Zygomycosis
2x24 No reason: House gets shot!

3x01 Meaning
3x02 Cane and Able
3x03 Informed Consent
3x04 Lines in the Sand
3x05 Fools for Love
3x06 Que Sera, Sera
3x07 Son of Coma Guy
3x08 Whac-A-Mole
3x09 Finding Judas: Congenital erythropoietic porphyria
3x10 Merry Little Christmas: Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis
3x11 Words and deeds: Spinal meningioma
3x12 One day one room: -
3x13 Insensitive: Tapeworm
3x14 Needle in a haystack: toothpick
3x15 Half-wit: Takayasu's arteritis
3x16 Top Secret: Hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia

4x10 It's a wonderful lie: Breast cancer in breast tissue in the patient's leg.
4x11 Frozen: Broken toe causing a fat embolism
4x12 Don't ever change: nephroptosis/ floating kidney.
4x13 No more Mr. Nice guy: Chagas disease.
4x14 Living the Dream: Allergic vasculitis.
4x15 House's head: Dental drill causing an air embolus.
4x16 Wilson's heart: Flue pills combined with kidney damage from the bus crash. Fatal.

5x01 Dying changes everything: diffuse lepromatous lepracy (aka: pretty lepracy).
5x02 Not cancer: Partially differentiated donor cancer stem cells. (fatal 5/6)

House 1x08 Poison

2007-10-22T20:37:00.001+02:00

Written by Matt Witten
Directed by Guy Ferland

Interactions

House and Wilson.
At the nurses station's desk.

Wilson: (quoting Georgia’s poem)
“The healer with his magic powers!
I could rub his gentle brow for hours.
His manly chest, his stubbled jaw,
Everything about him leaves me raw..."
House: Psych ward's upstairs
Wilson: "...with joy. Oh, House your very name
Will never leave this girl the same."
It's not bad for an 82-year-old.
She asked me to give that to her true love.
House: What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
Wilson: That's fairly disgusting.
House: And that's ageism.
Wilson: You better watch yourself around this babe.

In House’s office.

Matt’s mom won’t make a move until she hears back from the CDC.
Wilson: Godot would be faster.

House and Foreman

In the hallway.

Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
House: That's the way calculus presents.

House and Cameron

In the whiteboardroom.

Cameron: Are there any stronger treatments for organophosphate poisoning?
House: Oh, damn it! You caught me. We went with the weak stuff. I was just trying to save a little money.

House and Cuddy.

Walking through the hallway.

House: Get a court order. Unless you wanna see someone killed by sheer irrationality.
Cuddy: Maternal instinct is always irrational. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
House: Actually, that’s the definition.
Cuddy: Her only sign of mental illness is that she disagrees with you. Some would consider that a sign of sanity.

House and Chase.

House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff-upper-lip British way of saying
"no chance in hell"?
Chase: I'm Australian.
House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.

House talking to patients.

In the clinic.

Georgia: I feel good.
House: That’s your complaint?
Georgia: I notice colors more. And music. I...I'm really hearing music. I'm eighty-two, and I'm supposed to be playing canasta with the other old ladies, but now … when I see a guy with a cute butt...I just can't stop looking at him. (looks at House) Or a sexy beard.
House: And you figure that enjoying cute butts is a sign of disease?
(…)
Georgia: And now...I think about Ashton (Kutcher) all the time. (with more emphasis) All the time.
House: Ah.
Georgia: You remind me of him. Same bedroom eyes.
House: People are always mixing us up.
Georgia: (Starts to unbutton her blouse)I suppose you need to check my heart?
House: No! No, no, that – that won’t be necessary.

House admits the sweet old lady for tests and her son objects.

Mark: What tests? She’s just old.
House: And you’re just insufferable.

House reads the legal form out loud.

House: “… it is not the hospital’s fault if my son kicks off. I understand my doctors consider my decision to be completely idiotic, but I am convinced I know more than they do. I took a biology course in high school. Besides, I enjoy controlling every single aspect of my son’s life, even if it means his death.”
Sign here please, I brought a pen.
Margo: Who are you?
House: I'm the doctor who's trying to save your son. You're the mother who's letting him die. Clarification – it's a beautiful thing.

In Georgia’s room.

House: Mr. Adams, would you step outside for a minute?
Mark: Why?
House: Because you irritate me.

House diagnoses Georgie with neurosyphilis.

Mark: I can’t believe this.
House: Yeah, well, pinch yourself.

Georgia rushing up to House – declaring her love.

House: I'm sorry - the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. I learned that one the hard way.
Georgia: When I stop being contagious I’ll come by for a check-up.

Other

In the whiteboardroom.

House: I want you to go to his house and find his stash. I'll bet you know all the good hiding spots.
Foreman: Actually, I never did drugs.
House: (to Cameron) Better go with him. In case he gets high.

House walks into the lab.

House: I am extremely disappointed in you.
I send you out for exciting new designer drugs, and you come back with tomato sauce.

In the whiteboardroom.

Cameron: I'll check into it.
Foreman: I'll make the call.
Chase: I'll keep the kid alive. For a while at least.
House: I'll have lunch.

Outside the school bus.

Bus driver: Look, I’ve got this rash, it’s kind of in my groin region?
Cameron: It’s not a symptom.
Chase: Neither is being obnoxious. Looks like you’re in the clear.

In the hallway.

House: (to Foreman) Well, you’re getting good at this God-like doctor racket. Why don’t you talk her out of it?
Foreman: She’s not really a big fan of mine.
Chase: Or mine.
House: Well. Only one man left in the bullpen and he throws like a girl.
Cameron: I hate sports metaphors.
House: Give her the high hard one.

In the hallway.

Margo: Oh, Dr. House. The CDC called. Again.
House: Oops.
Matt: (about House and Foreman)Who are those guys?
Margo: Oh, they’re the arrogant jerks that saved your life.

People talking about House

Foreman: You know why House thinks I'm a druggie?
Cameron: This is going to be a racial thing, isn't it?
Foreman: Same reason he thinks this kid is overdosed. When you’re a drug addict, you wanna believe everyone else is too.
Cameron: He’s not addicted. He has to take drugs.
Foreman: The definition of an addict.
Cameron: He’s in pain.
Foreman: And addicted to painkillers. What a coincidence.
Cameron: You really never did any drugs?
Foreman: Now this is gonna be a racial thing.
Cameron: Deflecting a personal question with a joke. Gee, who do I know that does that?
Foreman: Yeah, I’m just like him. Except for the angry, bitter, pompous cripple part.
Cameron: Maybe we should all pitch in and get you a nice cane. You already have the matching gym shoes.

House-isms

House takes his Vicodin out of his pocket and turns to Foreman.

House: He’s a teenager, it’s drugs! Stop following me!

Memorable moments

Foreman finding out he’s got the same shoes as House.
And at the end (closing scenes) they stand next to another in the elevator.
House eating the home-made tomato sauce.
Cameron talking Matt’s mom into treatment.
Georgia chasing House ;)
Matt’s mom not trusting the coffee House gives her.
Chase pretending to be the CDC with a fake US accent.

House 1x07 Fidelity

2007-10-22T18:12:00.001+02:00

Written by Thomas L. Moran
Directed by Bryan Spicer

Interactions

House and Wilson.

In House’s office.

Wilson: I'm not gonna date a patient's daughter.
House: Very ethical. Of course, most married men would say they don't date at all.

In House's office.

House: So what's her name and when do I get to meet her?
Wilson: There's nobody! Give it up!
House: Your lips say no, but your shoes say yes.
Wilson: They're French. You can't trust a word they say.

Walking through the hallway.

Wilson: I love my wife.
House: You certainly love saying it.

In House's office.

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day?
Wilson: You ordered it.
House: You're the responsible one

House and Foreman

Talking about Elyse not being depressed.

Foreman: Then she’s sick and depressed.
House: She’s sick. Oh, damn it. Why didn’t I think of that?

House and Foreman walking out of the elevator.

Foreman: Why are you riding me?
House: It's what I do. Has it got worse lately?
Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me.
House: Really? Well, that rules out the race thing. ‘Cause you were just as black last week.

In the whiteboardroom.

Foreman: Blood cultures and the timeline rule out most bacteria.
House: Patient throws up on your shoes, do you clean up most of it?

House and Cameron

House trying to get Cameron to go away.

Cameron: Nice try, but you’re a misanthrope, not a misogynist.

In the lab.

Cameron: You want me to ask a man whose wife is about to die if he’s cheating on her?
House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.

In the hallway.

Cameron: You pulled my medical records?
House: You coughed the other day. I was concerned.
Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight-year old boy with a puzzle that's just a little too grown-up for him to figure out.
House: Tomayto, tomahto.

In the lab.

House: You can't be that good a person and well-adjusted.
Cameron: Why?
House: ‘Cause you wind up crying over centrifuges.
Cameron: Or hating people...

House and Cuddy.

Cuddy walks up to House and Wilson in the clinic.

Cuddy: It takes two department heads to diagnose shortness of breath? What, do the complications increase exponentially with cup size?

Cuddy walks up to House and Wilson in House’s office.

Cuddy: Hi boys. Mrs. Campbell’s test results. You remember her. The preschool teacher with the heart of silicone.
House: No, doesn’t ring a bell.
Cuddy: They came in yesterday. I figured you guys would have been all over them. I know how concerned you were.
House (to Wilson): She’s all upset because we paid more attention to the other girl. You check out her ass. I’ve got the chest.
Cuddy: The tests were normal. Of course, that’s just my opinion.
You might wanna call a couple of guys from maintenance in for a consult.

House talking to patients.

House turns to his clinic patient.

House: Good Lord. Are those real?
Samantha: They were a present for my husband’s 40th.
I figured he'd enjoy them more than a sweater.
House: That’s so sweet.
(and House calls Wilson for a “consult”).

Other

Everybody discussing the case in the whiteboard room.

Foreman: We looked at everything else
Wilson: Did you look at her breasts?
(Cameron glares at him)
House: Men...

Cameron performing a mammogram on Elyse.

Elyse: I wish people would stop telling me not to worry.
Cameron: A lot has changed since your mom died. Don’t wo…
Don’t give up.

The team running tests in the lab.

Foreman: That’s why I ride you. What does that mean When I have a good idea it’s because of him?
Chase: Actually I think he said your idea was a lousy idea.

In the lab.

Foreman: Sleeping sickness from sex?
House: It's not without precedent.
Foreman: I'm pretty sure it is, unless you're talking about going to Africa and having sex with the tsetse fly.
House: A Portuguese man was diagnosed three years ago with C.N.S.-affected sleeping sickness. His only connection with Africa was through a girlfriend who'd served with the military in Angola.
Chase: Boy. Where'd you find that?
House: The Journal of the Instituto de Higiene e Medicinia Tropical. You don't read Portuguese?
Cameron: You do?
House: Pretty sure that's what it said. Either that or it was an ad for sunglasses.

Discussing the possibility of Elyse cheating.

Ed: Part of me, a big part of me, can’t handle that. It doesn’t want her to get better. Does that make me a terrible person?
Cameron: Yes.

Cameron crying in the lab.

House: It’s a very sad thing. An uncalibrated centrifuge.

In the hallway.

Ed: What she did – you can’t love a person and do that to them.
Cameron: She loves you.

People talking about House

Wilson: You can be a real jerk sometimes, you know that?
House: Yeah. And you’re the good guy.
Wilson: At least I try.
House: As long as you’re trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Wilson: And as long as you’re not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world.

House-isms

No pain, no gain.

If you’re gonna repeat everything I say, this conversation is gonna take twice as long.

I don't ask why patients lie - I just assume they all do.

Memorable moments

Elyse slapping Ed in a sudden attack of rage.
House calling Wilson for a “consult”.
Cameron telling House about her husband.
Ed leaving Elyse.
Cameron arriving at the home of the guy Elyse had an affair with – it’s Ed’s best friend.

House 1x06The Socratic method.

2007-10-03T18:28:00.001+02:00

Written by: John Mankiewicz
Directed by: Peter Medak

Interactions

House and Wilson.
About the Lucy, schizophrenic patient with a D.V.T.

Wilson: Right, solve this one and you’re on your way to Stockholm.
House: We don’t even know how to treat it. Come on. Fumigation of the vagina?
Wilson: A little louder. I don’t think everyone heard you.

House and Wilson walking through the hallway.

Wilson: Where are you going?
House: Going to see the patient. That all-important human connection. Thought I’d give it a whirl.
Wilson: You won’t talk to patients because they lie, but give you a patient wih no concept of reality-
House: If it wasn’t for Socrates, that raving, untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn’t have the Socratic method – the best way of teaching everything, apart from juggling chain saws.

House: You think I'm crazy.
Wilson: Well, yeah, but that's not the problem. Didn’t we just leave your office?
House: I like to walk.

Wilson: Isn’t it your birthday around now?

House and Foreman

In House’s office.

Foreman: I used the Haldol purely as a chemical restraint.
House: So she won’t experience any of those pesky little side effects you get when your motives aren’t pure.
(…)
Foreman: I used my best judgment.
House: It turns out your best judgment is not good enough. Here’s an idea – next time use mine.
Cameron: I think they’re choosing a movie.

In the whiteboard room

Foreman: Mickey Mantle had a whole bar named after him - he got a transplant.
House: Yeah, well Lucy can't switch hit.

House and Cameron

Cameron: Happy birthday.
House: Okay. Whose?
Cameron: I was going through your mail, and it was on a form. Happy birthday.
House: Oh.

Cameron: You really didn't know?
House: No, I didn't. And frankly I'm angry. Which I'm guessing is the correct response. Of course I'll know better once I know what you're talking about. Cameron: Your birthday.
House: Oh. Anger was a bad guess.
Cameron: It’s a birthday. It’s an excuse to be happy.

House and Cuddy.

Cuddy: Good morning Dr. House.
House: Good morning Dr. Cuddy. Love that outfit. It says, “I’m professional, but I’m still a woman.” Actually it sort of yells the second part.
Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

House: I don’t believe it, who came running to mommy?
Cuddy: It doesn’t matter how I know. The point is I know exactly what you did.
House: You have no idea what I’m talking about.

Cuddy: I need to speak with you, now.
House: I need to go pee-pee.
(Cuddy follows him into the bathroom).
House: Ooh, girl in the boys’ bathroom. Very dramatic. Must be very important what you have to say to me.
Cuddy: Yesterday your patient’s tumor was 5.8 centimeters. Today it’s 4.6. How did that happen?
House: At a guess, I’d say “Dr. House must be really really good, why am I wasting him on hiccups?”
Cuddy: You also requisitioned 20cc of ethanol, what patient was that for? Or are you planning a party?

House talking to patients.

Waiting area.

Luke: This is a good hospital?
House: Depends what you mean by “good”. I like these chairs.
(Later)
Luke: You’re a doctor?!
House: Own my own stethoscope.

In the clinic.

Mom: Sugar is the leading cause of obesity in America.
House: This is why you’re here. You want a doctor to scare her about the dangers of sugar.
(turns to the girl)
Well, you know, I feel sorry for those other kids, Wendy, who don’t have a mom like yours – a mom who knows that sugar causes heart disease, appendicitis and athlete’s foot.
(turns back to the mom)
You want her to slim down a little so she can wear pretty clothes like yours. Love the bracelets. Hey, what about matching outfits? You could be twins.
[Gasps] She can’t be your daughter. It’s impossible! You look way too young.
Happy birthday,get the kid a damned ice-cream cake.

House and Luke in the lab.

House: Oh, God, you’re upset about something. You’re gonna open up to me now, aren’t you?
Luke: It’s all my fault.
House: Here we go.

Lucy: Thank God I had cancer, huh? It’s terrible having everybody thing you’re nuts.
House: Really?

Other

Lucy to her son about the municipal lady who’s sitting right in front of her.

Lucy: I don’t like her. She’s fat.

Lucy: Don’t lie to him Limpy. Lively Lucy never lies to Lucas. Look what I do to him

Chase: The clotting studies. Pretty fast. Did you promise to date the entire lab?
Cameron: No, I save that for emergencies.

Foreman: You gotta do what you gotta do to survive.
Chase: Feeding alcohol to an alcoholic is not a survival technique.
Foreman: Where I come from, if it works -
Chase: Yeah, right.I’m rich. I couldn’t possibly understand what this kid is going through. Just because you’re drinking pricier stuff doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem.

Angry surgeon: That tumor didn’t just walk itself into a bar and order up a double shot of ethanol.

Chase: Luke. Stop writing. If you stop for a second, it’s not all gonna fall apart.
There are some things you just can’t fix. That’s all I’m saying.
Luke: That’s how you’d handle it, something like this? You’d just give up?
Chase: No. I’d do it just like you.

People talking about House

Foreman and Chase are observing House.

Foreman: He’s really talking to a patient?
Chase: I don’t know who I am anymore.
He likes crazy people, he likes the way they think.
Foreman: They think badly. That’s the definition of crazy.
Chase: They’re not boring. He likes that.

Foreman: I thought he likes rationality?
Wilson: He likes puzzles. He hates them and he’s fascinated by them.

Luke: You said you wouldn't call. You're a real bastard, you know?
House: Yeah, I get that a lot.

Houseisms

Look, I have a cane, and I know how to use it.

5 mg of Haldol makes for a spectacularly cooperative patient.

Wouldn’t want to operate on someone really sick. They might die and spoil our stats.

Pick your specialist, pick your disease.

Memorable moments

House ignoring the call over the PA system to call Cuddy.
House tells Luke to get him a Reuben sandwich, dry, no fries, hold the pickles. And that he’ll page him when he’s done with his mother. When Luke brings the sandwich he adds that it’s cold. Cameron informs him that’s how House likes his Reuben.
Luke reading his mom W.B. Yeats, House reading her W.B. Yeats,and at the end his mom reading it herself.

Chase messing around with a credit card trying to open the door, and Foreman taking the key out of his pocket after watching for a while.

House injecting 95% ethanol into a tumor to make it shrink (and thus make it operable because it fits within the surgical guidelines).

Cuddy throwing away the birthday card she got for House, and calling someone to check all his charts because she knows he’s done something.
House makes a clinic patient with the hiccups hit himself.
House playing classical music on the piano, then switching to Happy Birthday.

House calling Dr. Walker, first pretending his watch stopped, then pretending he’s from London – talking in his normal British accent.
House not telling Luke his mom was the one who called social services – instead he tells him it was Cuddy.

House 1x05 Damned if you do

2007-10-02T20:39:00.001+02:00

Written by Sara B Cooper
Directed by Greg Yaitanes

Interactions

House and Wilson.

A nun thanks House for his patience.

Wilson: She talkin’ to you?
House: I don’t know. She’s certainly looking at me.

Wilson and House walking through the hallway.

House: If Cuddy thinks I made a mistake the least she could do is suspend me from clinic duty.
Wilson: She doesn’t confuse making a mistake with being incompetent.

Wilson catches House going through drawers in an exam room.

Wilson: You really can’t get enough of this place, uh?
House: Came for my stethoscope.
Wilson: So I shouldn’t read too much into the fact that you were looking for it in the drawer with the epinephrine syringes in it?

Wilson: How ‘d it go?
House: She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor.
Wilson: Maybe she’s allergic to God?

Wilson: The sixth circle of hell.
House: Confined in a sweat box with a bloody nose, and all the tissues are soggy.
Wilson: I think that’s the seventh,
House: No. The seventh is -
Wilson: God you must be fun at parties.
House: I think we both know the flaw in that theory.

House and Foreman

House: I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are.
Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
House: The one that starts, “ First, do no harm,” then goes on to tell us no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone?
Yeah, I took a read once. Wasn’t impressed.

House and Cameron

In the whiteboard room

House: What the hell are those?
Cameron: Candy canes.
House: Candy canes? Are you mocking me?!
Cameron: No.. i.. it’s Christmas, and I..
House: Relax, it’s a joke.

House and Chase

In the whiteboard room

Chase: I hate nuns.
House: Who doesn’t.

House paged Chase: "call mom"

Chase: My mother has been dead for 10 years.
House: But she’s always with you in spirit. What do you know about the nun?
Chase: Which one?
House: The cute one. I think she likes me.
The sick one, obviously!

House: Good boys have the fear of God put in them. The catholic church specializes in that kind of training. Make good boys afraid of divine retribution, so they’ll do what their daddies tell them. Like for example, going into medical school when it’s the last thing they want to do.

Chase: The sister wants to check out against medical advice. She wants to go back to the monastery.
House: Well, talk her out of it.
Chase: I think I may have talked her into it.

House and Cuddy.

In the whiteboard room

House: In 10 seconds, I’m going to announce that I have her the wrong dose in the clinic.
Cuddy: You’re gonna admit negligence?
House: Unless you leave the room. If you stay you’ll have to testify.
… five, four, three, two.
So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, take the first syringe I can find...

House tosses a tea bag from the monastery in front of Cuddy.

Cuddy: What’s this, hemlock?

House talking to patients.

House to the sick nun.

House: You must be all the talk around the holy water cooler.
You should have spent your time on saving souls, it’s a lot easier on the hands.

Healthy nun thanking House.

Sister Eucharist: The sisters tend to interpret their illnesses as divine intervention.
House: And you don't? Then you're wearing an awfully funny hat.

House hands a clinic patients his prescription.

Patient: Cogaritis?
House: Cigarettes. On twice a day. No more no less. Studies have shown that cigarette smoking is one of the mot effective ways to control inflammatory bowel. Plus it’s been well established that you look 30% cooler.

In the clean room. House trying to convince the nun to stay.

House: Room’s paid up for the rest of the week. Might as well stick around.
Nun: This illness is a test of my faith. If it’s his will to take me it doesn’t matter where I am. I accept that.
House: Does anybody belief anything you say?

Nun: Why is it so difficult for you to believe in God?
House: What I have difficulty with is the whole concept of belief. Faith isn’t based on logic and experience. (…) Miracle of love. You’re over twice as likely to be killed by the person you love than by a stranger.
Nun: Are you trying to talk me out of my faith?
House: You can have all the faith you want in spirits and the afterlife, and heaven and hell. But when it comes to this world, don’t be an idiot.
‘Cause you can tell me that you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.

Nun: You can’t be angry with God, and not believe in him at the same time. No one can. Not even you Dr. House.

Other

Nun: I haven’t seen television in over 20 years.
Chase: Do you consider it the work of the devil, or do you just not get cable where you live?

Mother superior: Have you been speaking to sister Eucharist?
House: She ratted out her fellow sister pretty quickly. If I were you I’d have her repeat a year of nun school.
Mother superior: Becoming a nun doesn’t make you a saint.
House: Becoming a doctor doesn’t make you a healer.
(Later)
Do all of you lie?
I had to open her blouse to do CPR and I learned two things:
Nuns can have nice breasts, and she has a tattoo on her shoulder, of a skunk.
Now, maybe it is the sacred skunk of Joseph?

Chase: Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Chase at the sick nun’s bedside in the clean room.
Chase: You have a choice – faith or fear.

Nun: Dr. House found his miracle.
Chase: I doubt he’ll interpret it that way.

People talking about House

Foreman: I don’t trust a man who won’t admit he might be wrong.

Nun: I barely know you. And I don’t know if I’m right. I just hope I am. Because the alternative is…you really are as miserable as you seem to me.

House-isms

Discussing Dante’s Circles of Hell with Wilson:

Melancholy without hope. Which circle is that?

I've been a doctor for years – why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?

Unfortunately I’ve used up all the time I budgeted today for banging my head against the wall.

I’ve found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask.

You know how it is with nuns. You take out their I.U.D.’s, they bounce right back.

Memorable moments

House shooting a paper wad at Cuddy:
House: Oops. I missed.
Cuddy: What are you, 8?
House: Could an eight-year-old do this?
*House makes a face*

House is offending a nun, and Wilson very quickly takes off.
Foreman goes to Cuddy to tell on House since he doesn’t agree with him.
House and a nun in the hospital chapel (where House is watching TV - good reception). House accuses the nun of 5 of the 7 deathly sins in under 5 minutes.
I’m gonna do you the biggest favor one doctor can do for another. I am gonna stop you from killing your patient. (Cuddy to House and House to Cuddy.)

Chase praying with the nun.
Cameron giving House a Christmas present. (And House leaving her one).
House playing “Silent Night” on the piano, and House and Wilson having dinner in House’s apartment.

House 1x04 Maternity

2007-09-30T21:32:00.001+02:00

Written by Peter Blake IV
Directed by Newton Thomas Sigel

Interactions

House and Wilson.

House summarizes his patients complaints.

Wilson: I’m still amazed that you’re in the same room as a patient.

Wilson and House talking about House hanging out in the OB-GYN lounge.

Wilson: If you want I can get you a key to the oncology lounge.
House ignores him and talks on about the Xray he’s holding.
Wilson: We’re getting TiVo.

House and Foreman

In House's office.

Foreman: So you are condemning one of these kids to die, based on random chance?
House: I guess I am.

In the elevator.

House: How’s Cameron?
Foreman: Dr. Cameron?
House: Sure. Let’s start with her and then move on to all the other Cameron’s we know.

House and Cameron

In the whiteboardroom.

House: Anyone who’s that awkward either has no experience with death or too much, and I’m pretty sure it’s not the former.
Did you lose someone? Did you lose a baby?
Cameron: You can be a real bastard.

House and Cuddy.

In Cuddy's office.

Cuddy: If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would have a bake sale, for God’s sake.
House: We have an epidemic!

House talking to patients.

House to the parents.

House: Hi. Bye.

House to clinic patient

House: You have a parasite.
Patient: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater.
Patient: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple states. But don’t worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites.
(shows her the echo): It has your eyes.

Female patient doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend he’s getting a paternity test, so she pretends it’s Mono.

House: Mono? I’m sorry, I sometimes forget patients. I thought you were this idiot who doesn’t know how to use birth control.
Later to the same patient: Your husband is definitely the source of your Mono.

Other

Parents deciding names for their baby.

Dad: Amber?
Mom: No, Amber is a stripper name.

In the clinic main hallway.

Foreman (snark): And the poor guy dying is the hardest of all?
Cameron to Foreman: No. It’s easier to die than to watch someone die.

House-isms

People don’t bug me until they get teeth.

House to his team: I’ll be in the clinic. Grab me if you find something important…or unimportant.

The most successful marriages are based on lies. You’re off to a great start.

This is our fault. Doctors overprescribing medicine. We bred these superbugs, they’re our babies. And they’re all grown up and they’re got body piercings and a lot of anger.

Memorable moments

House hiding out in the OB-GYN lounge, annoying and listening in on the OB-GYN doctors and nurses.
Cuddy assures Wilson that she is calm, then cuts of someone’s tie (she repeatedly told him to wear a tie-clip) and adds “I did that calmly”.
House turning 180 degrees when he spots a clinic patient (dragging her husband along) heading towards him.
House performing an autopsy on the baby boy.
Cameron gets the parents to “help” them – so they get a chance to hold their daughter.
Sweet but sick little old lady starts an epidemic by contaminating teddy bears.

References in House episodes.

2007-09-26T20:06:00.000+02:00

Over the last few seasons I've noticed a couple of references to either G.H. ( Gregory House) or D.S. (David Shore) in House episodes, as well as some references to previous work by cast/crew members.

So, here's a list.

General Hospital - the TV show House watches when he can.
The whiteboard has a mneumonic on it, MIDNITE.
House twice mentions “Infection” for the two I’s. (The second should be “Inflammation”.)
House: You know the problem? MIDNITE is actually spelled with a G and an H. (1x02 Paternity.)
When House is paying off patients to leave the clinic, he catches an elderly man with a nice hat who has coughed up blood on his handkerchief. It is monogrammed D.S. - David Shore also wrote the episode. (3x13 One day one room.)
On House's TiVo it reads: Blackadder. A series Hugh Laurie starred in.
There are Christmas stockings hanging on the wall with the initials GH on them. (2x09 Deception)

Other references to House related things.

Rebecca Adler refers to the first Sherlock Holmes short story, A Scandal In Bohemia. The name of the woman whom Holmes investigates is Irene Adler. House is based on Holmes. (1x01 Pilot)
House watched TV in his office.
The ending credits for General Hospital list Geoffrey Colo, Marcy Kaplan and Cindy Carr. They all work on House. (1x07 Fidelity)
House telling Chase: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.
Fake old. 100 dollars for the homeless look. What, they don't have pretentious in England?
Chase doing a US accent, House asking: You fooled her with that?
Referring to the fact that Hugh Laurie is British (Chase is Australian).
(1x08 Poison)
House is in court, and there's a reference to Pennsylvania vs. Hoselton. David Hoselton is a member of the House crew (editor/producer/writer). (1x09 DNR)
Victoria is drawing a building. The sign on the front reads Jane Doe is drawing Kaplow's Pawn shop.
Lawrence Kaplow is a House writer. (1x10 Histories)
Cuddy: Send in Nurse Unger when you pass her on your way out.
The blonde nurse (recurring role, Bobbin Bergstrom) is credited as "Nurse" but Cuddy calls her Nurse Unger. An episode of Due South also had a "Nurse Unger" in it. That episode was written by David Shore. (3x23 The jerk.)
House shows his team an e-mail on Maggie's computer. It reads:
Sorry to hear you won't be coming along on the Halloween Day Climb. You're going to miss Matt's famous Ghou () Dance. Not to mention the wine and smores.
Pam.
The episode was written by Pamela Davis, and directed by Matt Shakman. (4x10 It's a wonderful lie)

House 1x03 Occam's razor

2007-09-26T18:43:00.001+02:00

Written by David Shore
Directed by Bryan Singer

Interactions

House and Wilson.

House and Wilson walking through the hallway.

House: No no, I didn’t ask how you planned to con me into treating him. I asked why you want me to treat him.
Wilson: He’s sick, I care, I’m pathetic.

Wilson in House's office.

Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

Wilson hands House his Vicodin after House took the wrong bottle.

Wilson: Do me a favor. Take one of these, wait 5 minutes for it to kick in, and go see Cuddy.

Wilson and House walking through the hospital hallway.

House: Make a note: I should never doubt myself.
Wilson: I think you'll remember

House and Foreman

House to Foreman in the whiteboard room

Foreman: Shouldn't we talk to the patient before we make a diagnosis?
House: Is she a doctor?

Foreman tells House that if he’s wrong the patient will die.

House: Well, that certainly would be a concern. 50 bucks?
Foreman: You want to bet on the patients health?
House: What, you think it’s bad luck? You think that God will smite him because of our insensitivity? Well, if God does, you make a quick 50.

House and Cameron

In the whiteboard room.

House: What's wrong with her?
Dr. Cameron: Him.
House: Him, her. Does it matter? Does anyone think it's a testicular problem?

Cameron catching up with House who’s about to leave for home.

Cameron: Brandon's not ready for surgery.
House: Okay, let's leave it a couple of weeks - he should be feeling better by then. Oh wait - which way does time go?

In the whiteboard room.

Cameron: Men should grow up.
House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen.

House and Chase.

House walks into Brandon's room.

Chase: Dr House, this is a clean room.
House: Yeah, I read the sign.

House and Cuddy.

House and Cuddy in the clinic.

House: So how are we doing on cotton swabs today? If there’s an acute shortage I could run home and…
Cuddy: No, you couldn’t.

House in Cuddy’s office.

Dr. Cuddy: Working with people actually makes you a better doctor.
House: When did I sign up for that course?
Dr. Cuddy: When did I give you the impression that I care?
House: Working in this clinic obviously instills a deep sense of compassion.
I’ve got your home number, right? In case anything comes up at 3 in the morning.
Dr. Cuddy: It's not going to work. You know why? Because this is fun. You think of something to make me miserable, I think of something to make you miserable. It's a game, and I'm going to win. Because I got a headstart - you're already miserable

House talking to patients.

In the clinic.

House: What would you want? A doctor who holds your hand while you die, or a doctor who ignores you while you get better? I guess it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die.
Patient: I should go.

Other

Chase talking to Brandon’s girlfriend.

Mindy: I get stupid when I get scared.
Chase: Don’t go rock climbing.

In the pharrmacy

Brandon’s mom: He’s gonna be OK.
Mindy: You don’t know that.
Brandon’s mom: Does Brandon like that quality in you? You’re a little negative.

Chase trying to ask Cameron out.

Chase: Hey, you wanna go and get some…
Cameron: No.

People talking about House

Clinic patient.

Jodi: You’re not a very nice doctor, are you?

Chase: He thinks outside the box. Is that so evil?
Foreman: He has no idea where the box is.

Brandon’s parents when House introduces himself as their son’s doctor.

Oh, you’re the one we haven’t met yet.
You’re the one he hasn’t met yet.

House-isms

House: Hello sick people and their loved ones. In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I’m Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I am one of 3 doctors staffing the clinic this morning.
Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
House: This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy.
Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so unfortunately she’s much too busy to deal with you.
I’m a BORED certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I’m also the only doctor currently employed who is forced to be here against his well. (glaring at Cuddy) That’s true isn’t it?
But not to worry, because luckily for most of you this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin.
Speaking of which. If you are particularly annoying you may see me reach for this. This is Vicodin. It’s mine. You can’t have any. And no, I do not have a pain management problem. I have a pain problem.
But who knows. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m to stoned to tell.
So, who wants me?

House: Occam's Razor—the simplest explanation is that someone screwed up.

Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
House: I think your tie is ugly.

House: C'mon, nobody's going to be mad. I just want to know who tried to kill the kid.

Brandon’s girlfriend, when Brandon collapses after sex.

Mindy: Brandon. I know I’m good, but come on… Brandon?!

House paging Cuddy for a “consult” in the clinic, knowing she’s on the golf course. She sends Wilson.

Chase stares at Cameron, and pours coffee all over the kitchen sink.
Cameron gives him a long speech about sex, making him even more uncomfortable.

House orders 36 Vicodin for himself, motioning to Wilson as the prescribing doctor.

House: You think it’s gonna come out on its own? Are we talking bigger than a bread basket? I’ve been a doctor for 23 years, you’re not gonna surprise me.
Patient: It’s an mp3 player.

House ransacking the pharmacy, hunting for coltrasine that looks like cough medicine, pissing off the pharmacist in the process.

House 1x02 Paternity

2007-09-26T13:43:00.003+02:00

Written by: Lawrence Kaplow
Directed by: Peter O’Fallon

Interactions

House and Wilson.

Wilson finding House in an empty Exam Room.

Wilson: Is Cuddy down the hall counting to 50?

House and Foreman
Foreman paged House.

House: That would also be my opinion if consulted tomorrow morning.
I mean “Call me if I can do something”.
Foreman: Should we call his parents?
House: What, you think they’re hiding him?

Foreman talking to his patient. (thanks for the correction Ale! )

Foreman: I will inject a radioactive isotope into your brain. It will make you think deep thoughts. At about 100 miles per hour.

House and Cameron

House showing Cameron a letter he supposedly wrote.

House: When did my signature get so girly?
Perseverance does not equal worthiness.
Next time you want to get my attention wear something fun.

House and Chase

They’re studying a brain scan.

House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.

House and Cuddy.

House running into Cuddy at the entrance.

House: Dr. Cuddy, great oufit!
Cuddy: What are you doing here, patient?
House: No, hooker. Went to my office instead of my home.

House talking to patients.

House to a mom who is against vaccination.

House: You know what’s also a really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins.

House-isms

Yes, feel free to exclude any symptom if it makes your job easier.

House flicking his fingers in front of Dan’s eyes.

Dan’s dad: What does that tell you?
House: Nothing, it’s just fun watching him blink.

Memorable moments

The whiteboard has a mneumonic on it, MIDNITE. House twice mentions “Infection” for the two I’s. (The second should be “Inflammation”.)
House: You know the problem? MIDNITE is actually spelled with a G and an H

That also just happen to be Greg House’s initials.

House 1x01 Pilot

2007-09-26T12:43:00.001+02:00

Written by: David Shore
Directed by: Bryan Singer

Interactions:

House and Wilson.

House and Wilson walking through the hallway.

House: You see that? They all think I'm a patient because of this cane.
Wilson: Then wear a white coat like the rest of us.
House: People don't want a sick doctor.
Wilson: That's fair enough, I don't like healthy patients.

House and Foreman

House to Foreman in the whiteboard room

Foreman: Shouldn't we talk to the patient before we make a diagnosis?
House: Is she a doctor?

House and Cameron

Cameron talking to House in his office.

Cameron: Is that rhetorical?
House: No, it just seems that way because you can’t think of an answer.

House and Cuddy.

Cuddy and House at the elevators.

House: What are you going to do now, grab my cane? Stop me from leaving?
Cuddy: That would be juvenile.
(In the unaired Pilot Wilson does grab House's cane to stop him from leaving.)

House in Cuddy's office.

Cuddy: Is the yelling supposed to scare me? Because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be scared of. More yelling? That's not scary. That you're gonna hurt me? That's scary. But I'm pretty sure I can outrun you.
Oh, and I looked up that philosopher you quoted.

Cuddy handing House a file

Cuddy: The patient is orange.
House: The color?
Cuddy: No, the fruit.

House yelling at Cuddy who has taken the stairs.

House: People used to have more respect for cripples you know!
(He notices a man in a wheelchair looking at him)
They didn't really.

House in Cuddy's office.

House: Are you comparing me to a Nazi? Nice!
Cuddy: Why is it that you always think you're right?
House: I don't, I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption.

Cuddy to House (and quoted on General Hospital which House was watching)

Cuddy: We’re doctors. When we make mistakes, people die.

House talking to patients.

House talking to his clinic patient.

Orange guy: What's that?
House: Painkillers.
Orange guy: Oh, for you, for your leg.
House: No, because they're yummie. Want one?

House: You're orange you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't caught up on the fact that her husband has changed colors, she's just not paying attention.

House talking to a mom who thinks inhalers with steroids aren't safe for her asthmatic kid.

House: Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don't you think?

House talking to his patient.

Rebecca: I just want to die with a little dignity.
House: There’s no such thing. (…) We can live with dignity, but we can’t die with it.

Other

Chase and Cameron discussing the case:

Chase: You've given her false hope.
Cameron: If there was any other type available I would have given her that.

People talking about House

Foreman: I say what I think is just another way of saying "I'm an ass".

Cuddy: The son of a bitch is the best doctor we have.

House-isms

House: Everybody lies.

House: But as the philosopher Jagger once said: "You can't always get what you want."

House: If you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebra's

Memorable moments

House frantically pushing the elevator call button when he sees Cuddy approaching him.
House waiting right outside Rebecca Adler's room, paging Cameron who is inside.
House telling Rebecca what happened to his leg.
On a postcard Rebecca gets from her pupils.
We’re happy you’re not dead Ms Rebecca.